


Among the Spaces of a Circuit

by AndyWBlackstorn



Category: Rush (2013)
Genre: F/M, Family, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:06:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 34,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23928088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndyWBlackstorn/pseuds/AndyWBlackstorn
Summary: In one of the most unbearable moments in Marlene's life, she finds a little more anger in the form of a stranger hitchhiking. But in the midst of so much confusion, there are small spaces for true love to emerge.
Relationships: Marlene Lauda & James Hunt, Marlene Lauda/Niki Lauda
Comments: 6
Kudos: 6





	1. A stranger asks me for a ride

I shouldn't have left my house that day, I certainly shouldn't have been there at that time and in that place, but no, I had to be stupid and do favors to those who didn't even deserve it.

Better, I shouldn't have left two weeks ago, which is when this mess started. I confess that I was already tempted to part with Curd, slowly realizing that this strange relationship would give me no future.

In the beginning, I thought he was the best boyfriend in the world, he was attentive, he made me feel beloved, he gave me gifts, he hardly discussed with me. But then I realized why he acted like that with me, I was his trophy, a pretty girl for him to show off to friends and look good for them.

What about me, what did I think of that? An absurdity, a total offense. But even so, when he said he needed help at a party reception, the fool here was running to help, I didn't want him to be embarrassed. But still with a soft heart, I made it clear that O was just there to help and he had better start convincing himself that I was no longer his girlfriend, but for everyone who showed up there I was still his "sweetie" and "baby ", as he made a point of calling me in front of everyone.

Tired of all this, Curd's child dependence, irritated, hurt, and feeling so humiliated, I decided to stop it.

"Don't look for me anymore, I don't owe you anything" was the last thing I said to him before taking my things and leaving the mansion.

"Come on, I'll get another one soon" he didn't even try very hard, his outrageous response only made me even more sure that I was doing the right thing.

I didn't look back, I was determined to get out of there as soon as possible, and I was about to achieve that when I noticed someone looking at me.

The place was full of people, it could be anyone, so I didn't care much, I remained focused on my personal mission.

"Are you leaving?" the stranger manifested himself with his voice and I was forced to look back, just to answer him.

"I am," I said simply, noticing the man who spoke a little bit more.

"Can you take me to the nearest town with a train station?" he asked, being direct, without losing his politeness.

"Of course" I was willing to help "there is a station in Trento, half an hour from here."

"Thanks" he thanked, nodding, approaching to get in my car.

It was even a bit hasty of me to act like that, giving a ride to someone I didn't know, but for real, I was always a good observer, and this hitchhiker was certainly not a threat to me. What motivated me to help him was that he clearly didn't want to be at the mansion either, and since we were both in a hurry to get out of there, it didn't cost me anything to take him with me. I know, my soft heart pounded again, sometimes I couldn't help it, I just was like that. It could be good, it could be bad, everything depending on the situation.

In that case, it was a good thing, the strange man was quiet for the first ten minutes of the trip. I noticed how well dressed he was, even starched, he was a perfectionist guy, for sure. His brown hair was wavy and neatly combed, his front teeth were slightly forward. He had the eyes of an observer, curious, attentive, paying attention to something that I couldn't capture what it was.

I stopped paying attention to him and ended up distracting myself with the radio, with my favorite song playing, I didn't hesitate to sing along, even if my travel companion thought I had a bad voice. Maybe that's exactly what went through his head, when he turned off the radio at once, without ceremony. I was about to fight him over it, but he soon brought up a subject that justified his action.

"Are you hearing that noise?" he indicated.

"What noise?" I didn't understand anything.

"When you accelerate, it makes a noise, that means the fan is loose" he explained some more.

When I asked how he could know that, he indicated a lot more problems in the car, which made me indignant. That car had just undergone an expensive overhaul and according to the stranger, I had been tricked. Just because of his insolence, I wanted to hope that he was sadly mistaken, but with a little more than a few meters, all his suspicion came true.

"Stupid!" I slapped the panel angrily, when the car gave no further answer.

"Look if you want, I can take a look at the engine, there may be a solution" the so observant man offered to help, but he really was sincere about it.

"Well, between the two of us, you are the mechanic here" I replied trying to keep my good mood "thank you."

He nodded, got out of the car, and opened the hood, looking at everything in that same watchful way that I had noticed earlier. It took him about seven minutes, trying to fiddle here and there, telling me to turn the key on three times. Our only result was more smoke coming out of the engine.

"Leave it, we better try to hitch a ride and call the trailer" I went to him, without anger, I was more grateful that he tried to help.

He gave a shy smile when I said that. I'm sure we would be in tremendous silence if I didn't try to start a conversation. From the little he said, I realized that he must be Austrian.

"Are you Austrian, from Vienna?" I asked.

"Yes, I am" he confirmed.

"Me too" I replied and only then I noticed that until now we hadn't introduced ourselves, I didn't even know his name, so, again, I took the initiative in this regard "Marlene."

"Niki" he replied, shaking the hand I offered.

For a moment, the stranger, or rather, Niki looked at me, watching again, perhaps thinking what a mess he had been in for asking for my help.

However, he took a few steps to the side, making a jewel, trying to hitchhike. When I saw him do this, I sighed inside, we would be planted there for a long time, but after knowing the name of my fellow traveler, I was more comfortable waiting for help, with someone who no longer seemed so strange to me.


	2. Who's this guy anyway?

While we waited for someone to appear, as in a true and necessary miracle, I discovered one more thing about Niki, which had already confirmed my suspicions. He had no idea who Curd was, so he had gone to the mansion party kind of for nothing. I ended up letting out that the host was also my ex boyfriend, which I thought was kind of silly to tell.

It was just that we had just broken up and Niki was the first person I talked to right after that and I needed to vent to someone, even if it was someone I had just met.

I decided to spare Niki the effort in vain of hitchhiking and so we switched places. My idea was good because right after that a car stopped, a couple of friends, locals, offered to help us, but not for the reason I thought.

Suddenly, the two men kept on flattering Niki, it was as if they couldn't see me at all, their eyes and attention were completely focused on my newest friend. Without getting it right, our rescuers handed the wheel to Niki and I just got more confused. Who was this guy after all? He was so simple, so ordinary, how could someone so clean make such a commotion? There was only one way to quench my cruel doubt.

"Who are you after all? Should I know you?" I questioned our driver directly.

"Lady, don't you know who he is? It's Niki Lauda! Formula 1 driver, just signed with Ferrari" one of the men explained it to me.

I was amazed and incredulous, no, it couldn't be possible. This Niki guy was conservative, he didn't have an ounce of the heartthrob that pilots usually had, and besides, he was driving too carefully, like an old man. When I argued with all this, he managed to be smarter than me.

"Why should I run when no one is paying me?" he asked me, completely relaxed, if he was more comfortable, I was sure he would smirked after saying that.

Ah so this guy could really be a smartass and a bit of a jerk in my view ... Well, I decided not to let it go. I leaned toward him, using all my charm.

"Because I'm asking for it" he said sweetly.

I just wanted to see what he would do, and for sure, Niki made me regret my words. He ran like a real race car driver that his fans claimed he was, I almost died of a heart atack with his dangerous curves and overtaking, but he was sure of himself, of everything he was doing. When I looked at him, managing to have fun and laugh in the midst of so much adrenaline, the same smile that I had expected to appear earlier, appeared at that moment, his front teeth were protruding, but that didn't stop him from smiling genuinely at me and that small gesture ended up making me satisfied, my request had made him smile.

When the traffic got heavier, he had the kindness and prudence to be more careful and to slow down. It turned out that we managed to get to the train station, we thank Niki's fans for their help and they left us there, it was then that after the little adventure, I came back to reality, my car still needed a trailer.

I searched for a pay phone, asking for a trailer in the middle of the road to Trento, which was quickly resolved. The problem was that I had no way to go home, without money for a ticket, or a taxi. I ended up showing my disappointment by taking a deep breath.

"Are you okay? Do you have a way back home?" Niki asked me, which reminded me that he was still there.

"Actually, I don't, I thought I was prevented with the car, but it let me down" I shrugged, trying to deal with my misfortune.

"I pay you a ticket" he offered immediately, which made me more embarrassed.

"What? Oh my God, I ..." it would be very stupid to refuse, I was completely without resources at that moment "I will have to accept, but I'm really sorry."

"Sorry? For what?" he was confused.

"Well, you asked me for help and I am the one who needs yours now" I smiled embarrassed.

"Infortunes happen, this is normal, so don't be surprised if something normal happens like this" he sounded carefree again.

I was surprised at how he managed to be so practical.

"Even so, it was quite a day" I ended up commenting.

"I agree, Marlene" he nodded, and I saw that at least we thought about that too.

I followed Niki to the ticket office, we got on the train that was going to Fiorano, sitting in the same cabin, the trip wouldn't be that long, but it gave us more time to talk. Maybe it was in that time that I was able to discover more about who Niki Lauda really was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this story has a very peculiar origin, it all started with my dad watching Ford vs Ferrari. After seeing this one, he asked me if I knew another racing film. Rush came to mind, even though I never watched it before. I went to see Rush with my dad and then ... Man, how I loved the movie! In addition to the incredible story, Niki and Marlene won a special place in my heart. Then it didn't take long for me to want to make a fic of the two, taking advantage of the fact that my other stories are ending. Anyway, "Among the Spaces of a Circuit" is going to be kind of a "Through Marlene's eyes". (Did you get the reference?) See you in the next chapter, thanks for reading!


	3. A shy man

The train was moving, moving us to our destination and again, a certain silence was established between us, and I had to break it again too.

"So you are Niki Lauda ..." I started, without being very original.

"Andreas Nikolaus Lauda to be more precise, but I prefer NIki" he ended up smiling at my clumsiness.

"Well, Niki, how did you become a racing driver? I mean, I'm still having a hard time believing that I met someone famous by chance" I was sincere.

"Oh don't talk like that, you know, I like to run, I'm really good at what I do, but I don't like to be treated like a celebrity, with all the people who just want to take advantage of the achievements that I achieve" again he it was direct and sincere.

"Wow, this is really different, you are different" I was also sincere "usually artists and athletes like all this attention."

"As you said, I am different, I don't like any of this, I mean, the fake sycophants" he said "but do you like that kind of thing?"

"Oh no, no, I got tired of it" I giggled "I thought parties and glamour were wonderful, but it's just a headache, and falsehood, as you said."

"And you are also famous?" There was an amused sparkle in Niki's eyes when he asked me that.

"Me? No, no, not at all" I laughed again, waving my hand "I'm just a small local model, trying to get a steady career, I appeared in some magazines here and there, but nothing more."

"Oh, I see," he nodded, frowning, as if he were concentrating on saving that information about me in his brain.

I was amused by his expression, but he still hadn't answered my question.

"And what about you? I told you about myself, I think it's fair to tell me about you" I spoke again "how did you decide to become a pilot? Have you dreamed of this since you were a child?"

"Oh yes, but my family had other plans for me" he seemed a little hurt when he said that "I had to face my father, almost indebted me, but in the end, everything worked out."

"You speak with such conviction" I commented, realizing I was amazed that he was like that.

"It's because I believe in my ability" he said as if it were obvious "if you put something on your head and try hard, you are able to do it."

"So, in addition to mechanic and pilot, do you have other talents?" I diverted the conversation a little, as much as he sounded a little convinced and arrogant, I was enjoying Niki's determination.

"Unaffortunately, my talents are exclusively these" he confessed to me "if I was good at other things, I would also dedicate myself in the same way."

"I understand, maybe you have other hidden talents" I guessed, trying to look a little further than the pilot in front of me.

"Maybe" it was the closest to agreeing with me that he arrived in our conversation on the train.

Finally, we arrived at the station and that was the moment when we would part. I had enjoyed Niki's company a lot, for sure he was a very different guy from everyone else I had talked to.

"Well, that's it then" I settled for the farewell "I just wanted to thank you, for everything, it was really cool to have paid the ticket, I don't think anyone else would do that."

"Thanks ... and you're welcome" he was a little disconcerted, it was as if what I said had surprised him, maybe it was the fact that it was really a very rare thing for people to be kind to strangers.

Perhaps Niki didn't hear that much praise.

"So, bye" I smiled, already turning and walking away, walking away from him.

Somehow, I knew he hadn't moved, had been watching me again. What was going on in that smart head? (From what I had realized, he really was smart).

"Marlene" he called me and I turned around, waiting for an explanation for that.

"Yes?" I replied in a friendly way.

"You ... you ..." he stumbled over the words, something I didn't expect from someone as confident as Niki "would you mind meeting me again? I mean, I enjoyed talking to you, and I hardly have any friends ..."

"Wow ... this is a huge revelation" the sarcastic comment had escaped too quickly when I saw that he had bothered a little, but Niki shrugged "sorry, I didn't mean to offend you."

"I'm not offended" he countered immediately, in an act of self defense.

"Yes, it was, what you just did indicates that" I felt obliged to explain, in a few hours, I had understood how Niki worked "anyway, I'm sorry, I just wanted to say that I also enjoyed talking to you, there is no problem in having few friends, I don't have that many friends either."

"So, can we meet again?" was what he most wanted to know, not about my endles talking.

"Of course, just call me" I ended up offering that option.

"No, call me when you are comfortable and available" Niki was courteous, which I thought it was kind of him, giving me this option of looking for him and not chasing me like any other disrespectful guy.

Without hesitating, he took a business card out of his jacket and then a pen. With his left hand, I soon noticed that he was left-handed, wrote his personal number, handing it directly to me. I picked it up, really willing to call.

I had just met Niki but I knew that he had no malicious interests behind his actions, he was nervous, anxious, afraid even, I dare say, all to wait for my reaction, just to see what I would do.

"So see you on the near future" I said goodbye once and for all, understanding that we really had to go.

"See you, Marlene" Niki replied, in a sigh of hope to see me again.

Only then did we go home, each one going our own way. When I was finally alone, my opinion of Niki was that he really was a different and special man, in his own unique way of being.


	4. Calling Niki

My life was back to normal, at least as I was used to, except for the fact that I was single again, but that was good, I felt relieved, without any need to regret it.

So I moved on, looking for more work and eventually getting it, which helped me maintain my apartment in Fiorona.

While dealing with all this, I remembered Niki occasionally. It had been a long time since we met, and I just didn't have time to call him. I wondered if he wasn't too busy, focused on work, as I knew he would be, from everything he had told me.

It was early evening, when I just sat in my living room, looking around me, noticing a certain silence and emptiness. At that moment, I realized the urge to call Niki growing up on me. Well, he himself had said I could call if I wanted to and felt comfortable, and really, I felt that this was the ideal time to make the call.

I looked for a while for the card he had given me, I was sure it had been kept in the drawer of the kitchen cupboard, but I looked at everything and and it wasn't anywhere.

I sighed, somewhat desperately. I really wanted to find that little card, so I forced myself to remember where I put it. Suddenly, my mind lit up, I felt over the refrigerator with my hand, and found the freaking card. It was a little dusty, but I still didn't care, the numbers were very legible.

I sat on the couch, next to the phone, starting to dial, waiting with some anxiety for no apparent reason. To make me more anxious, the phone called and called and no Niki answered. I was starting to get angry and want to give up when finally someone answered.

"Hello" I recognized Niki's voice on the other end of the line, straight to the point, somewhat sulky in my view, I feared I called at the wrong time.

"Niki? It's Marlene" I thought it best to clarify.

"Oh, you, good, I'm glad it's you" suddenly he completely changed his mood, getting excited.

"I'm glad you liked it's me" I laughed at his reaction "for a moment I was afraid I was getting in the way of you doing something important."

"Well, I was reading, studying a little when you called" he explained.

"Ah that explains why you sounded so ... concentrated when you answered" I tried to play a little.

"Okay, you don't have to be sarcastic, I understand, I was really a little irritated by being interrupted, but for you, I made an exception" he was sincere as always.

"Really? Why am I so privileged?" I wanted to see what he would answer me, but deep down I really wanted to know what he thought of me.

"I like you ..." Niki was unsure and uncertain, as if he meant it out of friendship, but there was much more to it.

"I like you too" I replied automatically, still a little surprised to have noticed these details, I thought it was better to change the subject "What were you studying?"

"An article about some discoveries in the engineering field, I was looking for some new ideas to update my car for the next races" he returned to be relaxed and at ease.

"Oh yeah, Formula 1!" I remembered his infamous profession "are you looking forward to running again?"

"Not much, I'm prepared, but there are always surprises and news, each race is a new experience, but the pilots have to stay focused in the same uniform way" Niki told me methodically "that's what you expect at least."

"Um, got it, don't everyone take it seriously like you?" I realized that this was what he was referring to.

"Yeah, I don't want to brag, but it's true that for some it's just a race that they wait to see if they will win" he answered me.

"I think it was the first time you told me that you didn't want to brag" I pointed out "but I think I agree with you, I'm not a fan of watching races, but I always have the impression that it's just about driving too fast and overtaking finish line."

"No, I guarantee that it involves much more than that" he said.

"Everything seems much more complicated for your explanations" I commented.

"Does it make you confused or bored?" he sounded worried.

"No, neither way" I reassured him "I only understood better that Formula 1 is much more complex than I imagined."

"Yes", he said as if he were smiling.

"Well, after all this explanation, I better let you study" I left him with his important responsibilities.

"Okay, I thank you for understanding me" he said and spent more time holding the phone, for no apparent reason.

"Niki, are you there?" I asked, worried, after the moments of silence.

"Yes, I am" he spoke again, a little out of breath "I was thinking something ..."

"Thinking? Well, if you want to tell me what it is, I'm right here" I was willing to talk more if he wanted to.

"Would you have dinner with me tomorrow? Can i pick you up?" he left the questions in the air, and I didn't know what to do, I couldn't be sure of Niki's intentions, but even so, in the bottom of my heart I knew he had no malice.

"Okay, yes, I'd have dinner with you" I confirmed "do you want me to give you my address?"

"Please" Niki sounded excited.

I told him where I lived and he wrote it down quickly.

"So see you tomorrow, good night Niki" I said goodbye once and for all, leaving more conversations for the next day.

"Thanks, good night, Marlene" he replied sweetly.

Apparently, I had just made an appointment with Niki Lauda and that didn't seem bad at all.


	5. A date that changed everything

Finally things had started to work out for me. I know I had risked myself, leaving home, taking out a loan, buying a Formula 1 spot with every chance against me, but in the end, with effort and hard work, everything was being rewarded, I was now at Ferrari, most prestigious team of the time. (As much as there were details to be perfected here and there).

I was never one to be very social, but I knew that this part was important, being accessible enough in front of everyone to make a good impression. I felt like a clown just thinking about this concept, but anyway, that's what people wanted and expected, that's why I accepted Clay's invitation and accompanied him to a friend's party.

I confess that when he said I was a lonely guy it hurt a little inside me. Usually, people didn't understand my way so I didn't care much if they wanted to get away from me, but even so, that feeling of emptiness remained inside me. Races and victories helped to fill a little, but still, they didn't seem to be completely enough.

Going back to the party, seeing the crowded place and the type of people that were there, I didn't even think twice about turning back. I was sure I wouldn't feel right there, and I didn't have to stay where I didn't want to on purpose.

That's when I saw an escape valve on the beautiful girl who was leaving too. She was kind and nice to me, and I ended up speaking in a way that she didn't like much, apparently, but in the end, I was right and she decided to give it a go.

I found out that her name was Marlene and that we were both from Vienna, it was a happy coincidence. After being stopped on the road and saved by two enthusiastic fans who knew me, things started to get a little fuzzy for me.

We talked, I answered her questions about me, being sincere, without appealing to flourishes or pretenses, I could never be so disguised at that point.

I was paying attention to Marlene, she was fun, smart, seemed to understand exactly what was going on in my head without much effort. It was amazing how quickly I had felt so close to her, as I almost never did with other people.

That good impression of her impelled me not to let her go so fast, someone who had enjoyed my company was worthy of more attention. I preferred to give her my phone and wait for her to call me, I was no fool, I knew how it all might look, the stranger trying to take advantage of the girl he had just met.

We said goodbye then, and I went back to training, completely focused on the championship that was in front of me, but occasionally, I remembered Marlene, in the attentive and interested way that she talked to me, without looking any bored or irritated with my way, without making fun of me. Still, I remembered her comment about me not looking like a pilot and proving the opposite in practice, not even that had offended me. I realized that I needed to see her again, so that we could talk without the rush and confusion of sudden setbacks.

The problem is that I didn't have her number, I wouldn't go around looking at the phone book like crazy just because I kept thinking about Marlene, I wasn't that desperate, or was I?

I was, of course I was, I slowly succumbed to the foolish and frivolous feeling, but it made me feel so wonderful ... What could I do now? I had committed myself to the concept that if I looked for her I would look like a disrespectful maniac, but there would be no other way to see Marlene again if I didn't do that ...

For now, I decided to leave things as they were, I wouldn't bother her by surprise, I would think of something better than that to get back in touch, so I returned to my usual priorities.

It seems that I had been rewarded for doing what I thought was right. Of course, I was annoyed when the phone distracted me at that moment that I was so focused, but everything changed when I heard her voice.

"Oh I'm glad, I'm glad it's you" I answered the phone in wonder, relieved.

It was amazing how Marlene noticed my bad mood and exactly why I was angry, it was like she had the supernatural power to read my mind, one more thing that proved to me how much she understood me, but she didn't scold me about it. She kept asking about my job and even respected the fact and the reason I was busy at the moment. I really felt lucky, she had called me back, I couldn't miss the opportunity, it was just in my hands to do something to keep Marlene close.

"Would you have dinner with me tomorrow? Can i pick you up?" I took a risk, bluntly, betting all my luck.

"Okay, I'd love to have dinner with you, yes" she ended up accepting, to my delight.

We arranged everything for the next day and finally, I waited for her to say goodbye first, and I said my last good night, for now. When I hung up the phone, my mind started to whirl, if I wanted to tell Marlene what I felt about her, it had to be the next night. I prepared the best I could for this challenge, thinking about each word I would use, what I would say, what I would do. All that remained was to wait, hoping that I wouldn't forget any step of my plans and that, in the end, Marlene would correspond to me in the same way.


	6. My new friend is more than a friend

When night finally fell, I was excited about the date, even though I had the impression that this wasn't how Niki was looking at everything. He just wanted to talk to me again, but did he have any intentions beyond that? I hoped not, I thought, at least at that moment, that he considered our relationship an unlikely friendship.

Even so, I didn't think it was right for me to be badly dressed, I chose one of my best dresses for the occasion, when looking at myself in the mirror, I thought it fit very well. After fixing my hair in the same way as always, which gave me a serious and focused look, besides being more practical, I sat in the room just waiting for Niki.

He had been more than punctual, the doorbell rang at exactly 7:45 pm, as I could check my watch at the same time. I opened the door and he looked a little nervous, which I immediately found strange. From the little I knew, being nervous had nothing to do with the confident Niki Lauda.

"Good evening" he said first, without giving me a chance to say anything before him, maybe it was his confidence showing up again, so everything was fine with Niki after all.

"Good evening, how are you?" I smiled, being friendly, waiting for your next step.

"Yes, can we go?" he was practical and I accepted that little adventure in front of me, followed him and left for a restaurant.

It was a chic but understated place, the kind I knew I wouldn't have a cheap bill for. Anyway, Niki would pay, he who had invited me, even so I felt a little guilty. I didn't even notice myself looking around with a frown, that certainly gave me away to my tablemate.

"Didn't you like it here? " Niki was startled, I noticed a slight panic in his voice "we can go anywhere you want, is that as I made the invitation, I thought I could choose the place, but I should think about your personal taste, I'm sorry, i really suck at these things."

"Calm down there, Mr. Pilot, you didn't do anything wrong" I wanted to laugh, but I felt sorry for him and restrained myself "I just reacted with this face" I redid my expression of concern with a little exaggeration and pointed it at my face, which made him smile, I was happy because that was my intention "because this place seems very chic and expensive and I didn't want to give you too much trouble."

"Trouble? What trouble? You don't give me any trouble,” he said again, relaxing more in his chair.

"Ah what is it? I gave you a ride that didn't work, then you had to pay me for a train ticket ..." I put a hand on my face while laughing, remembering all this.

"And that was nothing, really, actually ..." and again, Niki was nervous, running a hand through his hair.

"What? Tell me, you can tell me, I can take it" I joked with him, already imagining a harsh answer.

"Actually, Marlene, you being my friend already rewards all of this" he gave me a shy smile after saying that, but looked me straight in the eye when he spoke.

"Wow, I ..." that really took me by surprise, I was flattered and embarrassed "well, thanks for considering me so much."

"You are welcome and I thank you for being here" he answered me full of gratitude.

We were interrupted by the waiter and the choice of the menu, but in the meantime, I kept thinking about all that Niki had said about me. He thought well of me, even too well, in a way that no one had ever thought of, no other man I had ever approached.

On the other hand, I also liked his way, how smart, focused, sincere, how we both had a similar sense of humor, and besides, he was charming in a unique way. I found myself snooping over the menu leaflet, like a foolish girl. There was that same closed face, focused and observant and suddenly, Niki was the most beautiful man in the world for me.

Oh, heavens ... That was exactly what was happening, I was falling for my newest friend. I kept this precious information with me while the waiter took the menu and our orders, I didn't know what to do, just wait and see what that night would have in store for us.

We enjoyed the dinner, it was really great. We didn't talk much during the meal, Niki was methodical even when it was time to eat and I respected his peculiar way again. That was when he finished and suddenly raised his head, looking directly at me.

My look back at him was looking for an answer to that sudden attitude, I think he realized my doubt, cleared his throat, getting ready to speak.

"Marlene, I called you here because I needed to tell you something" Niki said evenly, as if he had trained to do this perfectly.

"Ok, tell me" I was very curious and anxious.

"I need to be honest with you" he sighed, losing confidence again, but resuming right away "since we met, I just can't get out of my head and look, I have the championship to worry about and everything, but still, there is nothing to make me take you out of my thoughts ... So, I don't know what you think about me ... That I'm an insensitive jerk, but I needed to talk about how I feel ... I like you in a way that I'm not able to explain ..."

"Okay ..." I replied muttering, incredulous, suddenly, like that, the guy I liked also liked me.

"I'm sorry if I scared you, we can be friends ..." Niki lost his temper, not with me, but with himself, he was afraid, everything depended on me, on what I would do after what he told me.

"It's okay, Niki" I also regained my composure "look, I was also thinking about you a lot after we met, and I had to call you, because I missed you so, I just wanted to say that I like you too, exactly the way you like me."

"Oh my God, how wonderful!" he laughed genuinely, I think it was the first time I saw him laugh really.

"Yeah ..." I agreed, a little embarrassed "so, what does that mean?"

"If you want to date me, all you have to say is yes, if you want" someone else would find Niki bossy saying that, but he was pleading.

"So yes, yes" I nodded several times, feeling light.

Niki didn't care for rhe people who was there. When he leaned over the table, I knew he was going to kiss me, and how I also wanted that to happen ... The moment our lips met, everything was more than right for me.


	7. The start of changes

After we left the restaurant I could hardly believe how everything could have worked out so well, that was my only goal there, hoping that the best would happen, not only for me, but for her as well.

For several moments, I hesitated, I was nervous, I doubted myself, I thought there would be no way for Marlene to like me as I liked her, but then everything changed, everything turned in my favor and when she said yes, all the doubts and fears were gone.

I needed to kiss her at that moment and I was glad she didn't reject my public display of affection. What could I do? I couldn't help myself, I was too happy!

I made sure to leave her at home, and before I left, saying goodbye with just a kiss on her cheek, Marlene touched my arm, interrupting me.

"Wait just a minute ..." she asked, entering the apartment, leaving me very confused when doing this.

It didn't take long and she returned to the door with a small piece of paper in her hand, handing it to me.

"What's that?" I was forced to ask.

"My phone, I will love it if my boyfriend calls me from time to time asking me out, keeping me company" she explained sweetly.

"Of course I will, don't hesitate to do the same for me" I smiled, agreeing with her future plans.

"I just have to be careful not to call when you're too busy or focused" Marlene pointed out, in a clear tone of joke.

"Okay, I'm sorry for that, it's just that races are very important to me" I was sorry that she thought I was rude.

"I know so, but the best of all, Niki, is that I'm sure that both I and the races have enough space in your heart" she spoke in such a solemn way that it touched my heart.

"Yes ..." I murmured, moved.

She ended up hugging me, and I felt like the most special person in the world just for that.

"Okay, see you tomorrow?" she suggested and I wanted that too.

"Of course, I will come here, I promise" I guaranteed and kissed her again, saying goodbye once and for all.

"Bye, Niki, thanks for everything," Marlene said.

"Goodbye, good night" I smiled at her, watching her slowly enter.

I took slow steps out of the building, starting to get used to the fact that Marlene was my girlfriend.

The next day I was busy with work all the time, but without fail, when I got free time, I went straight to Marlene's apartment. I even ignored my teammates' pranks wondering where I would be going in such a hurry. I noticed a certain amazement in my girlfriend's expression when she saw me.

"What is it?" I was worried "is something wrong with me?"

"No, you said you were coming today and you really came" she unveiled the little mystery, being sincere.

"Oh, I said I was coming, didn't I?" I shrugged, as if this new attitude on my part was obvious.

That's when I noticed Marlene's astonishment, it was really new for me to put a new appointment on my restricted agenda, which was precisely, to visit her.

"Finished earlier, then? " she asked me, while I finished entering and sat with her" what were you doing to finish faster?"

"Actually, I didn't finish earlier" the question left me strangely embarrassed, I ended up touching my ear to disguise it "as soon as I finished I came straight here ..."

"Oh, really? It's quite a change for you ..." I heard a certain wonder in her voice.

"Well, I have a question for you" her reaction had puzzled me so much that I had to find out more about it, I even crossed my arms, and she observed my new posture.

"Ok, here comes Niki very serious again" Marlene replied, preparing to listen to me.

"How can you know me so well?" I spoke from the heart "before you mentioned something about change and I was different, that was exactly what I was thinking about, that I changed my habit of going straight home after work to come here."

"Now, Niki, it's no mystery" she ended up laughing, which made me feel blushed "it's just that it's natural for you to spend more time with your girlfriend, even though you're so disciplined, and you're right, I know you well because I watched you very well since we met."

"Oh yes? So, what marvels me ..." I continued that frank conversation "I know I can be very boring, and that is why I am warning you now and giving you the chance to rethink your decisions ..."

"God, you're not serious!" she scolded me, even pushing my arm lightly "it wasn't your annoyance that made me fall in love with you, as I said, I'm quite observant, of course I noticed that you were boring, a little arrogant, even ..."

"Okay, you're overreacting" I didn't want to find out if she had more insults for me.

"A little, who knows?" she throbbed "but no Niki, you were polite to me, very kind, you treated me like men rarely treat a woman and this is special, you are special ... I am very happy to have become your girlfriend."

"Me too" I smiled, now certainly embarrassed by her compliments, only Marlene could make me look like this, embarrassed for having my qualities pointed out, but what she noticed, almost nobody noticed.

Marlene looked back at me, there was a little pity and a much greater dose of mischief in her eyes. She came over, kissing me then, which made me relieved. I was sure that all the changes it caused in my life made me feel good, as I had never felt before.


	8. A surprise and goodbye

Niki constantly continued with his visits to my house, with invitations to go out together or sometimes, just to have a coffee, which, by the way, he knew how to do like nobody else.

"Where did you learn to make such a good coffee?" I had to ask once.

"When you live alone, you learn to manage" was his simple answer.

"But I doubt you got it right the first time" I commented on his skills.

"Oh no, of course not" he didn't lie "like everything in life, the first time we do something it doesn't work very well."

"Does that even include your races?" I asked, out of curiosity.

"It certainly includes racing" Niki nodded, somewhat amused, and so I was happy to remind him of good memories.

"It's just as they say, isn't it?" I lifted my coffee cup "practice makes perfect."

"Yeah, that saying is right, I got a lot better over time" Niki agreed with me.

Of course, I also made my visits to his house, it was gratifying to see how he kept everything tidy and in order, in his own way. Niki managed to be much more organized than me, not that I was messy, but it was sometimes difficult to compete with his compulsory tidiness. It was another one of his ways that I got used to.

As the months went by, Niki got busier, his races intensified and unfortunately, his schedule became more and more restricted for me. I realized that, of course, but I understood that it was a crucial moment for his work and I didn't want to disturb it at all.

However, I was pleased to find that he missed me too when he started calling me constantly. They were short calls, in the rare intervals he had, but he insisted on asking about my day and being quiet, just listening to me, for sure, making up for the time we didn't see each other.

Then it was time for Niki to travel to South America, he would dispute the Grand Prix of Argentina. To be honest, I didn't quite understand what that meant, only that I would be further away from him for at least two weeks. Before he left, he paid me a surprise visit, which made me happy, for sure, but with a little anger.

It was the middle of the night, and I rummaged through the fridge for a quick taste that would appease that typical after-dinner hunger. I was wearing my oldest pajamas, but the most comfortable of all, and my hair was very messy. In other words, I didn't look at all like the model I was supposed to be, but giving me some excuse, I was at home at that moment, I wasn't crazy enough to go out that way.

That's why when I heard the doorbell ring, I went there trying to smooth my hair with my hand, putting the unruly strands behind my ear, just to make it look better for the sudden visit, and then, when I opened the door, I came face to face with Niki.

"Oh my God, you!" I shut him up with a hug, while squeezing him too much, I heard him clearing his throat as if he swallowed at once what he was going to say.

"I missed you too ..." he laughed softly.

"Yes, but ..." after I released him I was angry, remembering my deplorable state - "you should have warned me that you were coming!"

"What is it? I thought you liked surprises and was missing me ..." He raised his hands, in his defense and in doubt.

"Of course I am, but look at me, I look horrible, no, better, don't look or pay attention to me" I pushed him inside, making him sit on the sofa, in a hurry "I'll be right back."

I was walking to my room, intending to change, but he took me by the hand.

"Where are you going and why?" he questioned me, quite rightly, he knew it must be looking very strange to him.

"I can't receive my boyfriend in this state, I am very sloppy" I justified.

"You are many things, but sloppy is not one of them" Niki held my hand in his, looking at me kindly.

"Okay" for his words and kindness, I believed him, took a deep breath and sat down next to him.

"You're not horrible, really" Niki assured me again, kissing my cheek.

"Thanks" I gave him a shy smile, lowering my head and feeling very foolish for my little show "sorry."

"No problem" he nodded, understanding me "I like you, no matter how you look."

"You're not lying, are you, Niki?" I looked at him again, laughing softly.

"Of course not" he said, kissing me in a way that cleared my doubts.

He told me about the preparations for the trip, and as the conversation progressed, I felt at ease, even wearing pajamas in front of my boyfriend who was so demanding for some things, but so malleable for others.

He had to go soon, he would have to take a private plane early, so on our farewell, I kissed him wishing luck and that he would come back soon.

As for me, I coped relatively well with Niki's absence, but on Sunday, when the race would be broadcast, I was in front of the TV, following everything, as I rarely did. Still, all those racing elements were new and confusing to me, and all that kept me completely focused was listening to Niki Lauda, and following the red Ferrari cars. The thrill of watching from afar was immense and for a moment, I imagined what it would be like to see everything up close, or even be on the track itself. I understood Niki and his desire to run a little better for that.


	9. Return

I was very happy after those two weeks had passed, first, because Niki was finally going home and second, because he had won the race, which made me proud.

I knew the day when he was due to arrive in Italy, but I had no idea what time he would arrive. Meanwhile, I had my own responsibilities and commitments to fulfill, so I spent the day away from home.

Before I came back, an idea crossed my mind. Returning Niki's visit, which took me by surprise, I went to his house without warning, hoping to meet him there. I rang the bell, but no one even came or answered, maybe I was too early and he was still on his way.

I thought it was a little exhausting and foolish to wait there in front of it , so, a little saddened by my frustration, I decided to go home. I took slow steps away from Niki's house, I really wasn't in a hurry to get out of there, but then I was so startled when a car honked at me.

I almost lost my balance, stepping on my own feet, turning my heel, but without breaking it and without falling over. When I looked to see who had caused that near accident that made me very angry, I was shocked to see Niki behind the wheel, my boyfriend was just as scared as I was.

"I'm sorry, are you okay?" he asked immediately, alarmed.

"I'm fine, I just got scared" I replied, putting my face in the window "I came to see if you had arrived."

"I just left the circuit, I had the protocols to comply with, but now I'm free" he explained.

"Okay, I just wanted to see you, if you had made a good trip back and arrived well" I explained my presence there.

"Don't go now, please" Niki asked, knowing me already very well, I think it was kind of obvious that I was tempted to leave to let him rest.

"Don't you want to rest? I can come tomorrow, I promise" I insisted, concerned for him.

"I can rest and have you here, really" he assured me "I missed you too..."

The way Niki asked me for things always made me give him what he wanted, well, most of the time. Of course, I disagreed with him on many other things, but keeping each other company was what we wanted at the moment.

"Okay" I gave him an embarrassed smile and got in the car.

Instead of continuing to drive, Niki kissed me, lingering there, making up for the time he was away. However, when we entered the house, I saw that I was not at all wrong. He had the strength and courage to put his bags on the bed, but then he went down, lying methodically on the sofa, even closing his eyes. I stood looking at him, contemplating his peaceful and exhausted image.

"See? That's what I was talking about" I laughed softly "you're really tired ..."

"You don't have to go," he murmured sulkily.

"No, I'm not going" I finally decided.

He saw that he was going to sit me down, so he cringed to make room for me. When I settled down, Niki laid his head on my lap, without my asking or letting me know. I smiled with his confidence in me, it wasn't an easy gesture for someone like him to do. I touched his hair carefully, expecting some reprimand for it, but no, Niki relaxed at my touch, and I continued to stroke his hair, I ended up enjoying this moment. He didn't get to sleep, but he was quiet for a long time, I realized that we didn't need anything else, just each other's company.

Of course, our mutual hunger interrupted us, and I tried to venture into Niki's kitchen to prepare our dinner. He dozed off while he was busy, but he woke up when I asked him to eat. After dinner, I said goodbye, convincing him that he really needed a break, after all the season wasn't over.

"Good night, Niki" I kissed his cheek as I left.

He answered me with a very sleepy "good night".

The next day, he called me at the same usual time as always, first wanting to know how I was doing, but then telling me he was thinking about something he wanted to talk to me about.

"No need to make a mystery, Niki, you know I love to hear your ideas" I immediately encouraged him to speak up.

"What do you think about bringing you here one of these days?" he released the question, full of expectation.

"Would here be the circuit? Yes, yes, I would love to get a closer look at what you do" I said, looking forward to the idea.

"Good, for a moment, I thought you wouldn't like it" he confessed.

"Why did you think that?" I was suspicious.

"Well, it is that you don't know Formula 1 very well, you only have a vague notion of what it really is, I didn’t think you had any interest" Niki explained further.

"Yeah, it might be, but only until a while ago" I didn't totally disagree "only when I saw your race in Argentina ..."

"Did you see my race in Argentina?" My information cheered Niki.

"Of course I saw it, and I intend to follow all the others" soon I made it clear "well, I understood a little better about the races and I was really interested in understanding how everything works."

"Okay, ok" Niki didn't seem to believe how interested I was, getting really excited on the phone "tomorrow I'll pick you up, okay?"

"Sounds good, honey" I smile "I wish you a good train."

"Thank you see you later!" he hung up.

I started to feel a little of his excitement too, it would be really cool to have Niki himself explaining the details of his work so differently.


	10. In Ferrari's circuit

It was morning when I got ready for the big engagement of the day, of course, he was more of Niki than mine, an essential part of his job, but my boyfriend had made a point of including me, and being a part of that too, which made me happy.

I kissed Niki when I saw him at my door, he was in a hurry, excited, but restrained, he wasn't showing his euphoria in an exaggerated way, but just to see the corners of his lips curving in a slight smile of excitement already told me a lot about his mood.

As he drove, I noticed that there was no way, in the middle of the streets and normal traffic, he was the most cautious of drivers. Of course, that was a good thing, as he said, it was a safety issue, but I remembered how he drove fast and dangerously just to prove he was a genuine driver, and I had asked for it, so he technically answered a request of mine, in his hallucinating way.

I laughed quietly alone, Niki looked at me confused, but a second later, I didn't need to explain what was the reason for my laughter. When I looked at him back, it was stamped on his face that he knew I remembered when we met.

"Don't worry, you will see how I can be very fast in a car that is suitable for that" he assured me and I just nodded, also cheering up.

The Ferrari test circuit was nothing more than the name of the famous team itself, in front of everything. It was a race track like the others, there was the main building, the track, grandstands, and only, as far as I could see, as we approached. Ah, that was what I had visually. As I got further into the place, I heard the car engines running from afar, running down the track, even out of my sight.

"I'll get ready and I'll be back" Niki warned me.

"Where do I stay while I wait for you?" it seemed like a silly question, but I was a little lost.

"You can go to the pits" he instructed me "I will meet you there, the team must already be there. You just have to take that main path that we passed by the side when we entered, and then just enter there, there's no secret."

"Okay" I nodded, understanding everything.

I took the path that Niki taught me, following everything correctly. I got where I was supposed to and looked at the place, it was quite spacious when looked at closely than seen on TV. I didn't think anything was there either, it was full of equipment for the car. In a more discreet corner, I found a little treasure, it was another thing that I had already seen on TV, and that caused me a certain wonder when I saw it up close.

It was Niki's helmet, his name and surname written in white with capital letters, highlighted. I touched the object, watching it. It was so shiny that it gleamed as I moved, I wondered if he was the one who cleaned it or a very dedicated employee.

"I think that's mine" I heard Niki's voice with playful arrogance, even so, his sudden appearance made me startle.

I turned around at once and was somewhat paralyzed with whoever I saw in front of me. It was Niki, for sure, but wearing the team's red jumpsuit, full of sponsors' logos, and to complete the pilot look, he wore sunglasses. I don't know why but he looked so much more handsome that way, I was a little speechless because of that.

"Of course, sorry ..." I gave him a little smile, handing him the helmet.

"No problem, you seem to have been ... scared?" Niki himself doubted that I could be like this.

"Sss ... scared, me? Well, you took me by surprise, appearing like that" I justified myself, and I couldn't hide what I was thinking for a long time "it's just ... I was surprised to see you dressed like that ..."

"It's the standard uniform, there's nothing much in it" reflexively, Niki looked at his own clothing.

"It's that you look good in uniform ..." I said softly, looking away from my boyfriend, but he understood anyway, by the smile he gave me.

"Thank you" Niki approached me, kissing my cheek.

He walked away to concentrate on what was there to do, which wasn't to flirt with me. Team members helped him by pushing the car that Niki used, which had already won several races that year. I saw him concentrate, tighten up in that tiny space and miraculously fit in there. They fastened his belt, gave him the steering wheel that he clicked into place. After the authorization of all involved, Niki took off, leaving the dust behind, and I turned my neck at once, to accompany him so quickly.

From a distance, I could see his curves and maneuvers, even though I didn't quite understand what was happening because of the distance, but still, watching the vehicle at high speed left me glazed.

I was only interrupted by the team members. They praised Niki, complained a little about his personality (which I understood perfectly), and finally, asked who I was and what I was doing there. When I introduced myself as Marlene Knaus, Niki's girlfriend, the atmosphere of incredulity and doubt was general

I should expect a reaction like that, because Niki was difficult and witty, but for me, those characteristics were easily ignored. The more I lived with him, the more I got used to him, so it didn't make so much difference to me anymore, I knew how to handle him perfectly.

The guys on the team weren't the only ones to question my relationship. A while later, another car that was in motion until recently, reached the pits. I didn't pay much attention to the pilot, not wanting to interrupt his work, however, when he finished talking to the team, he came to me.

"Hi, are you new here? We don't know each other, wait a minute ..." when he stopped talking, I found him strangely familiar "I know you from somewhere ..."

"Yeah, I saw you too, you know a friend of Jurgens, don't you? I've seen you at other parties of his" I've been remembering "you're ... Clay!"

"That's right" he shook my hand "it's a pleasure to see you again."

"Marlene" I introduced myself "you must be wondering what I'm doing here."

"I didn't mean to be rude, but that's what I'm thinking." Clay laughed a little.

"Well, I don't know if Niki said anything, but he invited me to see the training" I said.

"So you are his girlfriend?" Clay was also incredulous "I found it hard to believe he wasn't lying ..."

"Yes, it seems that nobody believes that much" I ended up laughing at the situation "but I quite like it, even with all the defects."

"I know we complain a lot about him, but deep down Niki is a good person," Clay assured me.

"Yes, he is" I replied with all certainty and pride.

It wasn't for nothing that I was there, it was because I knew and loved him that I was honoring him. Niki's focused manner had led him to be a successful pilot, whom I observed at the time, still training, with all love and satisfaction.


	11. Getting Closer

I had left the circuit excited, even though I had to go before Niki. He had insisted that I leave, not because I was ashamed or intimidated because I was there, it was just his concern that I was getting bored and that he had some bureaucratic issues to deal with, maybe he didn't have the patience to wait for him.

Understanding him very well, I made it clear that I had no problem, I said goodbye, wishing him a good day's work. In the evening, as always, Niki came to visit me, waiting for my opinion on what I had seen today.

"Look, as much as I don't fully understand everything, I found it exciting just looking" I told him "I could see how fast you were, it must be a great feeling for you ..."

"I confess that there is a certain excitement for all the adrenaline, it's really like I'm flying, but if I pay too much attention to these effects, I forget the most important" pondered my boyfriend.

"Yes, driving requires a lot of attention, even more at this speed, thankfully you are very careful" I praised his quality, which was undoubtedly essential "and now? The championship is just over, isn't it?"

"Yes, I have about four more races to go, including the last one" Niki told me "I need to continue guaranteeing the lead if I want to win."

"And you will, I have no doubt at all" I said, but he made a face of doubt, which made me a little indignant and gave me hints of what he was thinking "and no, I'm not saying that out of pure optimism, it's because I believe in your mania to be focused."

"It's not a mania ... a minute ago you had praised me for being like this" he was confused, crossing his arms and looking at me for answers.

"I'm playing with you, don't be so bad" I explained, hugging him from the side, in which he nodded and wrapped his arms around me.

Going back to the serious stuff, Niki did his three runs before the final, all a little away from home and so I was unable to attend them, but as always, what became a pleasant habit for me, was in front of the television following them all. My boyfriend didn't always come first, but I was able to understand that this didn't always significantly affect his overall score, the important thing was the total points he had added. I hadn't followed the 1975 season since the beginning, but from what commentators said, Niki hadn't started very well, but now he was very close to being a world champion. His determination filled me with pride.

So, it was time for him to run the last race of the year, which would take place in the United States. I was used to Niki coming to see me the day before leaving for the country for the next race, but this time, he acted differently.

Three days before traveling, he came to see me at the usual time, without being late, but he was hiding something from me, no, he was waiting for the best time to say his proposal to me. Niki gave himself time to tell me what it was, he took a breath, became focused again and only then looked at me to start talking to me.

"You know that the last race is coming, and I really wanted you to come with me, to follow the competition" he said, in his serious way, but discreetly pleading.

"Me going with you? What a privilege, Niki!" I was surprised and excited "you don't even have to ask, of course I'm going with you, it will be very good."

"Thanks" he smiled, shy and grateful, blushing in a cute way.

"You're welcome," I touched his face, content to grant his request.

We then got organized and after three days, very early, at a time when the sun hadn’t even appeared yet, we took the exclusive Ferrari plane, which the pilots used, so Clay would make the trip with us too, along with all the members of the team, this time they were more used to my status as Niki’s girlfriend. Who was also with us, of course, was Luca di Montezemolo, the representative of the Ferrari team, and responsible for the race program. We didn't have much time to be properly introduced to each other until we reached our destination.

We checked into the hotel, packed up, but Niki had a meeting with Luca, and in the meantime, I stayed in the room, wondering how magical it was to be there. I could see my boyfriend running in a genuine race for the first time, and if God wanted, he would win with praise.

Niki sent for me as soon as the meeting was over, but Luca was still with him. Now that I saw him more closely, he seemed friendly and cordial, although a little nervous and anxious.

"Marlene, let me introduce you" my boyfriend did the honors "this is Luca di Montezemolo, my boss so to speak, Luca, this is Marlene Knaus, my girlfriend."

"Nice to meet you, sir." I shook his hand.

"Likewise, miss" he smiled "Niki mentioned that you would come, it was the only time I saw him mention a girlfriend, no matter how much I heard rumors."

"Oh really? Maybe it's because of the visit I made to your circuit once, it wasn't a big deal" I wasn't surprised that these conversations appeared, after all it was difficult for people to keep things to themselves.

"Well, I think we have more important matters to deal with than my love life" Niki said, low and angry.

"Is he always like this? How can you take it?" Luca countered, good-humored.

"Oh yes, I know how difficult he is, but Niki is sweet with me" I said and pulled a smile from my boyfriend for that "but he must be unbearable away from me, so, how can you stand him?"

"Well, for the reason we are here, he is a genius, we wouldn't be able to reach the final without him" this time the boss was more serious and sincere.

"I know that he is," I agreed proudly.

"Okay, I already released Niki, see you tomorrow at training, guys, have a good day" Luca wished us, already moving away.

"Thanks" I thanked him and looked at Niki, who had greatly improved the sulky face that had lasted for a short time "you guys get along, right? For him to play these games with you ..."

"He's my boss, I have to put up with" my boyfriend shrugged.

We ended up laughing together, which eased the mood that would get a lot more tense over the weekend.


	12. My accelerated heart

It was a beautiful day in the United States, a sunny Sunday that made all Formula 1 enthusiasts leave home not only because of the pleasant weather, but also to accompany the end of a mind-boggling journey that they have been seeing since the beginning of the year. I could be late on that score, but my excitement was perhaps a little greater for having my boyfriend as one of the favorites to win the title.

I was in a corner of the pits while Niki got ready for a training lap, to see and feel how the track was, so that everything went well. He took a long time at it, and I wasn't surprised, he was thoughtful, and besides, all the care he took made me feel more relaxed. Then it was time for the drivers to take their place on the grid, including Niki, who was already getting into the car, adjusting all the safety equipment.

For a moment, I wondered if I should come over and say something, in the end, I didn't care if someone or my own boyfriend would scold me for it. I bent down next to him, managing to see only his eyes focused through the space of the helmet visor, he was certainly questioning my attitude.

"I wish you luck, but you don't believe in these things" I told him, and I could hear Niki's slightly muffled laugh, which I considered a good sign "so, I wish you a great race, honey ... I ... I know you have everything to win."

"Thank you" he nodded.

I ended up holding his right hand for a moment, exchanging another smile, starting to fear for him, for everything that was about to happen and I would see it so close, but trusting that he would do very well. My instinct was to say something profound, but I restrained myself, I believed I would have a chance to say what I wanted soon, nothing bad would happen to Niki.

I let him take his place while I returned to mine, getting ready for the start of the race. Then, when the American flag waved, being lowered, the race started, and my eyes went back to the track, the Ferrari cars along with all the other teams passed by, so I couldn't really understand what was going on. it was happening. It was exciting to see the cars at high speed, but when they passed by, heading towards other parts of the circuit out of my sight, it was difficult to say what the situation was with the competition.

I turned to the pit television, there was a much clearer and more intelligible view of the race.

I started to redouble my attention more and more, watching Niki make his turns, overtaking, making up for time when another competitor tried to overtake him. With every move, I felt for him, for what could happen because of each of his decisions. I couldn't sit, I was standing, one hand supporting my waist and the other close to my mouth, biting my nails in worry. For a brief moment I managed to contain myself, just looking, anticipating what would happen soon. He was there for a while that seemed like a real eternity, finally the last lap came and following everything, Niki was ahead, nobody would steal his victory and conquest of the world championship.

I ran to the split of the track, watching firsthand and very closely, Niki cross the finish line. He had won! My boyfriend had just become a world champion! Luca was at my side the whole time, as apprehensive as I was, but in the face of Niki's wonderful feat, we exchanged an animated hug.

"Come, you have to come!" he rushed me, and I didn't understand why.

-What? To where?" I was a little lost.

"The podium! Niki will like to see you there, come on!" Luca explained to me without wasting a lot of time, being excited by his pilot's victory and wanting to meet him soon.

"Okay," I nodded, running so Luca wouldn't leave me behind.

It was something new for me, so I didn't know exactly how to behave, so I ended up choosing to follow what Luca would do. On the podium, Niki received the honors of having just become a world champion, only after his boss went up there, and without him asking, I also went up. When my boyfriend saw me, he ended up smiling at me, so I was comfortable being up there and not stealing even a little bit of his glory.

He was completely happy, accomplished, smiling, enjoying that moment that everyone appreciated who he was and his great achievement. For someone like Niki, it was rewarding, unbelievable. Seeing him like that really warmed my heart. It was then that after giving attention to fans and journalists, he suddenly turned to me. I waited to see what my boyfriend was going to do next.

"So ..." he lowered his sunglasses, looking at me over him, in a very charming way, that made my heart melt "do I look like a pilot now?"

I had to giggle for that, of course it was another reference to me doubting that he really could be a Formula 1 driver, now I certainly had no doubt about that. I just took a step forward and kissed him, answering his question as a yes, showing how proud I was of him. While I caressed his cheek, I was grateful for him in addition to winning, being well and unharmed. It was all I needed, but I still needed to express what I was feeling with my words.

"I love you" said directly when we parted "and I am very proud of you!"

Niki seemed frightened for a microsecond by my words. I knew it was the first time I had said this to him, and maybe he didn't expect to hear it at that moment, but in my heart of hearts, I knew that besides that, he was surprised because he rarely heard that phrase.

"I love you too" he sighed, answering me "thanks for being here."

"You're welcome," she said heartily, hugging him.

It had been a day of great emotions, but for me it had been a great victory to have this little moment to share our love.


	13. The rival

We stayed at the race track for a long time, after all, after the last race of the championship and the big victory, the day became a day of celebration, and everyone took the opportunity to celebrate. Well, not all. I understood that it was frustrating for other drivers not to be able to win and not to win the longed-for title. Since I wasn’t a pilot in this whole context, I was distracting myself with other things.

Some journalists had come to talk to me directly, since they saw me following the championship winner and soon their curiosity turned on me. I was never shy, but I confess that such an approach intimidated me a little. I wasn't sure what exactly to answer. Should I say you were Niki's girlfriend? Would he be happy or angry that I would reveal this? He was a very discreet guy when it came to personal life, and I didn't want to upset him. So I decided to turn the situation around in my favor.

I ended up talking about it with one of the journalists who were there, one of the girls few among most men, trying to divert the subject from me.

"So, did you cover all the races of the season or just this one?" I asked, approaching the committed girl, before she addressed me "sorry, it seems like a silly question to ask, of course you must have come to all of them."

"Uh, not really" she corrected my mistaken conjecture "they only sent me to the last race, well because it was the last, and it was cheaper than paying for an international trip.

"So, are you from here?" I guessed.

"I am, I'm Janet Hills" she gave me a friendly smile, offering me her hand and I shook it politely.

"Marlene Knaus, nice to meet you" I replied.

"Well, if you don't mind me saying" she continued saying "I'm here for work, and you're here for fun? Do you know any of the pilots, I mean, personally?"

"Oh yes, actually, I came at the invitation of Niki Lauda" I said, being very careful, not giving too much, unless she asked directly, and I had no alternative but to tell the truth.

"Niki Lauda? Like, the same one who won the race and won most of the races of the season brilliantly?" Janet was amazed !do you really know him?"

"I see that you are a fan" I commented on her astonishment "I do know, it's a long story, actually."

"Well, if you have time to tell, I would like to hear it" she was willing to know more about it.

"Is that unofficial or is it going to your report?" I was a little suspicious, and I was glad she didn't seem offended by that.

"No, it's pure curiosity, seriously, I'm not in the gossip column, as many wanted me to be" admitted Janet "in fact, I have all the material of my article ready, I wouldn't add anything else."

"And how do you think your story will look when it's ready?" I asked, legitimately curious like her.

Janet liked my question so much that she started to tell me all about her work process, and I paid attention, making my personal comments here and there, and we ended up engaging in that conversation. She was briefly interrupted when Niki called me, and I had to respond with an "I'm going!" that he ended up accepting at the time.

I talked a little more with Janet, realizing that Niki was busy, talking to one of the pilots. I glanced, and when they seemed to be finished with the conversation, I approached. It didn't take anyone to tell me anything to let me know that Niki was ready to go home, and to be honest, I was just as tired as he was. It was good to have a boyfriend who was willing to leave these events early just when the tiredness was almost unbearable.

Even though it was a glory day, there was a clear hint of irritation in Niki, I worried about him right away.

"What's wrong?" I tried to be in a good mood to lighten the mood "by any chance does it have to do with that guy you were talking to so far?"

"Yeah, it has, a little bit, he has the gift to get on my nerves" Niki confessed, complaining.

"Must be James Hunt, he was looking like James Hunt to me, but I wasn't sure" I commented thoughtfully.

"How can you know Hunt?" He was suddenly more irritated, in a way I didn't expect.

"Calm down Niki, I saw him on TV because of the races, it's just by watching that I know him, I didn't even talk to him today" then I realized something "are you jealous of James Hunt, because of me? Niki, this is ridiculous!"

"I'm not jealous" he countered immediately, in his old defense mechanism "never in the world would I be jealous of Hunt, and I trust you."

"Okay, so, this guy really gets on your nerves" I agreed with what he said "but I thought that this feud between you was just a television advertising strategy, not that it was anything for real."

"Yeah, the media loves that kind of thing, for me, they could leave me and Hunt to solve this alone, on the track" my boyfriend said about the case.

"And today you solved that, at least for now" I pointed out.

"For now? What do you mean, for now?" he found my statement strange.

"I mean that you will continue to compete with each other" I explained, feeling my curiosity arise "why exactly do you not get along?"

"Oh where do I start?" Niki sighed, a little tired, but willing to talk a lot, which I thought was a good sign, he wanted to vent and I wanted to hear.

"From the beginning, it's the most recommended" I was a little sarcastic, he laughed and continued.

"We met in Formula 3, he made very stupid decisions on the track that hindered my debut race" Niki said "he ridiculed me because of my appearance ... Anyway, he's a complete jerk, womanizer, drunk, irresponsible."

"Your complete opposite" I commented, understanding "that explains why you're rivals."

"Ah it can be, I just think it's more like an opponent like all the other pilots" Niki replied "the only difference is that he teases me."

"Uh, and you teases him ..." I said softly, taking a risk.

"Because he started it" Niki insisted on saying.

I ended up giving up on this conversation, I decided that Niki and James teased each other because they were two different people behind the same goal, and even then, my boyfriend knew how to handle it relatively well, as he could.


	14. Learning to rest

Sunday had been completely perfect. Of course, I had started off apprehensive, my mind was completely focused on the race, and how everything depended on me, the team, and the performance of the car so that I could secure the title that was so close.

Marlene was very present, and I couldn't be happier that she agreed to accompany me there. Her attitude of wishing me luck and that I did well made me more happy for his consideration for me, were simple words, but with a great meaning that I knew was true.

When the race finally started, I concentrated completely, nothing could distract me, all my attention was focused on what I was doing, my decisions, and what was happening around me. For my effort, I was deservedly rewarded, the title of world champion was mine. For years I dreamed of it, and I used the last five just to reach that goal, and there I was, the trophy in my hands and the audience clapping and shouting didn't let me doubt that it was all real.

But what really took my balance was what Marlene told me, in the midst of all that excitement, she looked into my eyes and said she loved me. Of course, if we were together, it was because we liked each other, and I had been the first to take action because of the strong feeling I had for her. Within me, over time, as we got to know each other more and got to know each other better, I realized that I loved her. It was indescribable, she really was my greatest treasure in life, but I still didn't feel comfortable or safe enough to tell her what I felt.

How surprised I was to know that my girlfriend loved me too, just like me. It was still a strange feeling for me, I had provoked the ire of my family and created an enmity with them that seemed to perpetuate over the years, and I wasn't exactly a dear guy wherever I went, but Marlene loved me as I was, I couldn't express my gratitude any other way than by saying that I loved her too.

I met James later that day, and oddly enough, our conversation was one of the few friendly ones we had. Still, his posture and attitude and stubbornness to maintain them managed to irritate me, I don't know how he found it funny to be always so irresponsible. When we hit the road back to the hotel, I was surprised to see that Marlene knew James. It was almost inconceivable to me that this was possible, until I reasoned correctly, with the help of what she told me, she simply knew him from TV.

The problem was that I heard Marlene talking about James, I never imagined this would happen, it was too strange that my girlfriend would bother to know about that bully. When she pointed out that I was jealous and I vehemently denied it, I realized that it really was ridiculous for me to think like that. It was clear that she had heard of him too, if she accompanied me on TV, it was normal to know his name, since everyone made a point of mentioning our rivalry.

Letting that go, I just rested and started getting ready to go home. For now, I would have a lot of free time, until I start training and prepare for next year's season.

"It was quite a trip, Niki" Marlene commented when I left her at home, right after we arrived "and what's next for the Formula 1 world champion?"

"The next championship, for sure" I said to her, full of optimism and plans for that.

"Calm down there, Mr. Pilot, this is still a few months away" she laughed in a good way "do you intend to do anything with that extra time?"

"Extra time? This extra time will be spent on my preparation to win the next championship" I explained, patiently, and a little scared, because I started to guess what was going on in her head.

"I know, I know this is important to you, but you need to have a little fun" she pointed sweetly, which I found dangerously acceptable.

"I don't know what you mean by fun, we already have fun together, we go out almost every weekend, and see each other every day, something outside of that is not quite my thing? Is that how you say it?" I ended up playing with her.

"Is it serious that you never took a vacation in all that time since you started running?" she really wanted to know.

"A 15 days off between one season or another, I confess" I raised my hands in surrender.

"No, it's not enough, I understand that you are very focused, but we could plan something different, but something that we both like equall" she proposed, with a charming sparkle in her eyes.

"Um ..." I mumbled, trying to think of a plausible solution to that proposal, I really didn't want to be selfish, I wanted to come to terms with Marlene because I understood her good intentions "and if we went on a trip together, then? You said you enjoyed the trip to the United States, and this time, we will be traveling more because of you than because of the race ..."

"Niki Lauda, are you saying you're only going to travel with me because it was my idea? Just to please me?" Marlene seemed to take offense.

"No, nothing like that, that's not what I meant, I also want to travel with you" I tried to fix whatever I had done wrong.

"I'm playing with you, my love, of course I understand" she laughed, which made me make a face, I had lost count of how many times Marlene had made me look like a fool, but deep down I didn't care about that "it just amazes me that I'm not being so selfish, Andreas."

"Hey, don't call me that ..." I complained, she really was starting to irritate me, but in a good way "nobody calls me that."

"But it's your name," she replied, playing innocent.

"All right, Miss. Knaus, I will say exactly what you want to hear" I held her hands in mine, which caught her full attention, finally paying attention to me "we will be traveling together in these two months that I have until the beginning of next year, you choose the place, because I'm not selfish."

"Yes!" she gave a little cry, hugging me exaggeratedly "thank you, thank you. Did you know that I love you?"

"You knew" I smiled convinced on purpose, after all that moment of amused disturbance "and I also know that you love me."

"Oh, it's true" she shrugged and kissed me.

I felt that I would have much more planning than anticipated, but it would be wonderful to have Marlene's company on vacation.


	15. Back to work

My lovely Niki could be quite surly, grumpy, stubborn and angry, but he was sweet with me, just as I had said to Luca once, and it wasn't for no reason. Every day he was kind to me and ended up being even more kind and pleasant company during our vacation.

Our destination, which he made sure that I chose after much insistence on my part, I confess, was the island of Ibiza, in Spain. It was a beautiful place, like no other I had ever known, and being there with Niki gave me a feeling of peace and completeness. It was like for a moment, work didn't matter, we were really relaxing on vacation, and that was really good.

However, as I had promised Niki, I wouldn't forget his responsibilities, and after Christmas and the New Year, before the 1976 season began, I had the courage to propose something to him.

"So we both agreed that we like to travel together, I really enjoyed seeing your last race" I told him when we were back home "and so, I was thinking that I wanted to accompany you in all the races this year."

"Oh really? This is wonderful, yes, if that's what you want, I want it too" Niki was happy with my plans "but won't that get in the way of your work?"

"No, it's all about organization, I can manage well, okay?" I assured him "just let me know when we go."

"Okay" he agreed, without losing the joy of having me by his side during the season.

So, I got ready for a journey around the world. Of course, it wasn't all fun, I knew how important all of this was to Niki, and I let him do his job, the excellent way he always did. When the Sunday of the first race arrived, which would take place in São Paulo, Brazil, I was in the pits, watching Niki and the team prepare for the race, and for a moment, none other than James Hunt passed by.

He just glanced at Niki, without saying anything, even though I realized that he already had some sharp response on the tip of his tongue. Looking at my boyfriend, I knew he was doing his best to ignore him, keeping his back to himself for a long time. That's when James's gaze changed from Niki to me, I was surprised at his attitude.

"Hello Mr. Hunt!" I did something first, like in an act of defense, before these two fought, or before he tried to make fun of me "how are you?"

"Hi, I think I've seen you around, haven't I?" the tall, blond pilot gave me a charming smile, which didn't convince me "but we weren't introduced, but apparently you already know me."

"It's hard not to know you, I watched some races last year" I replied, a little patiently "but since you want to know who I am, my name is Marlene, but you can call me Niki Lauda's girlfriend."

"Ah that explains a lot ..." James was clearly disappointed "it was precisely with him that I saw you, I didn't think that was possible."

"No one believes that Niki can have a girlfriend" I had to laugh, and I saw that James had relaxed a little bit too, getting more respectful "but I am, Mr. Hunt, and I'm here to see my boyfriend win."

"Well, I don't know about that" James returned to his convinced charm "you know I'm going to start in poleposition, don't you?"

"I do know, and congratulations on your placement in qualifying" I said with some sincerity "but you, better than anyone, know how unpredictable racing can be."

"I know, that's why I win the best" James nodded to me, already getting ready to leave "see you, the mouse's girlfriend."

"See you, Mr. Hunt!" I made a point of saying it out loud, before I retaliated by the unnecessary nickname.

"What exactly was that?" Niki came to me a moment later, somewhat astonished.

"I was probing James Hunt ..." I replied absently "you know what, my love? He's not that bad, just very competitive and convinced, wanting to provoke you."

"Exactly as I told you" he agreed with me "but I liked how you spoke to him, you didn't let him disturb you."

"I never let anyone disturb me" I assured my boyfriend, and I saw him smile proudly at me.

A while later, the race started, and I turned my attention to the track and the pit television. It was all more exciting because it was just the beginning of the season, which helped define a lot, and how it could all unfold over the rest of the races. Finally, the result of that first day was very favorable for Niki, my boyfriend had won the race, as for James, he had to leave due to an engine failure. That made me feel a little sorry for him, since he had lost the chance to score on the first chance, but I knew it would only increase his desire to win in the next race.

That wasn't what happened for James, Niki won race after race, to my pride and joy, being again the favorite to win that year's championship. But things got complicated in the race that took place in Madrid, Spain.

James had been the winner, but Niki felt it hadn't been in an honest way. I saw his movement in the pits, talking to Daniele Audetto, who was now Ferrari's racing director. I don't know why, but it all seemed suspicious, and the next moment, after they had the McLaren car James was driving inspected, they judged him disqualified.

When we got back to the hotel, I was wondering about it, if somehow Niki had talked to the audit to get some advantage. It wasn't my boyfriend's nature to use artifice to win, his strict policy was hard work and discipline, so I didn't believe he did it out of jealousy or malice. I really had to talk to him about it to find out what the truth was.


	16. Soul limits

I waited for all the hustle and bustle of Sunday and the following days, which we used to travel back home, to pass, to discreetly and very carefully so as not to hurt my boyfriend, ask Niki about the question of James's victory in the Madrid race.

"If you don't mind" I started the conversation a little uncertain, and my insecurity made Niki worried about me right away "I wanted ... I needed you to answer me as honestly as possible."

"Okay, you know I'm always honest" he accepted the challenge without hesitation, as I expected him to do.

"So why did you kind of report the irregularities of James' car at the Spanish Grand Prix?" I was direct, but delicate.

"So that's what was bothering you, I know, you can say, I know what it felt like" he sounded frustrated, but not angry or upset.

"Yes, it seems that you did it on purpose to harm James in some way, since you were in second place, it would give you an advantage" I explained better, afraid of what he would say next "I think deep down you were jealous of him."

"Yeah ..." Niki sighed, and I noticed his head seething, thinking how to answer me in the best possible way.

"Be honest, my love" I asked again "I won't condemn you, I just want to understand you."

"Okay ..." he sighed "I did feel a little of that, but you know what motivated me the most? I have to see Hunt win with the least advantage over me, over us all! His victory was illegal in the same way and I wouldn't be at peace and with a clear conscience if I didn't do something."

"And your anger at him motivated that," I concluded.

"I was more angry with the illegal victory and he was thinking about it, I felt obliged to do something" my boyfriend reaffirmed and I saw that I had touched a weak point, Niki was completely vulnerable in front of me, as he rarely was.

"I asked because I was worried about your motivations" I thought it necessary to clarify "I understand that you found him dishonest, and that at the same time you are competing with him, I just don't want this rivalry to make you blind, to make you lose your real goal."

"No, I don't let myself get down for that, really" Niki was still dodging.

"Look, I know how focused you are, and how far you can go to achieve your goals of winning" I looked at him with all sincerity "but there is a part of you Niki, that I just don't have access to, and that's not bad, it doesn't mean that you hide things from me on purpose. I think we all have a secret part that we don't open to anyone, and I trust your decisions, for all the rest of you that I know very well, but if you want, if you allow me to advise and help you, I will always be available to you, my love."

"I know, and I really appreciate it" he looked upset and stunned, yet his gratitude was sincere, he held my hands and even kissed my knuckles "I'm sorry if I disappointed you in any way."

"No, by no means" I immediately denied "as we already agreed, I know you well and I understand you, rest assured, Niki."

My boyfriend nodded, letting my words weigh a little more on his mind and heart. He continued to worry and dedicate himself to the rest of the races, after all, the championship wasn't over, and I was there in all of them.

Of course, since Madrid, McLaren had done its best to repair the car that needed renovations, renovations that hurt James for a certain period of time. With the car being remade for the entire race practically, his performance wasn't the best, which made Niki recover his score a lot. This happened until James managed to turn the corner, starting to win again. This irritated Niki, not in a profound way, but only at the level of competition, which I was now completely used to.

If there was one thing I had learned about racing, it was that each of the drivers were different, with completely different ways of acting and thinking, as each human being usually is, but the main fuel that generates fights and conflicts was the equal will to win, to show all your ability and to be the best over others.

All the men who ran had an inflated ego, some more, some less, including my Niki with his brutal sincerity and when he spoke of his own talents. It was something natural in that environment after all, and I, out of love, managed to accept Niki's way anyway.


	17. Before a choice

I confess that having Marlene confronting me, even if it wasn't at all bad or to reproach me, surprised me. I was no fool, she had seen what I did alerting the inspection on James's car, and deep down, she had been motivated by our rivalry.

Although he broke the rules, deep down I knew I had done it out of jealousy, for wanting to pay him back and take away his satisfaction that was obtained illegally. Now that this was over, I thought I should let it go, the matter would be dealt with by the competent authorities and that didn't concern me anymore.

But Marlene reminded me of the issue and I had to be honest, before anything, I loved her, and she had asked me to be sincere and open my heart, I trusted that she would understand me, and fortunately, I wasn't wrong. The fact that she explained to me that she understood even my most secret motivations, even those that I had no access to, gave me the certainty that I would always be safe and loved if I were with her.

It wasn't just her understanding of me that made me fall in love with her, she was charming, creative, sweet, sarcastic in a fun way. Every day I was more sure that she was the love of my life, her trust placed in me left me without any doubt that I wanted to marry her.

I considered the matter in a practical way, we would remain united, sharing the same space. Little would change between us, but I knew that I would have to dedicate myself even more to her, that she would be my wife, that would be my duty and eternal commitment to Marlene.

It was all very simple for me, I just needed to ask. I took advantage of one of my visits to her apartment, well before the trip for the next race.

"Hi, Niki" she smiled and kissed me, welcoming me as always.

"Hi, are you all right? How was your day?" I asked the usual question, but she loved to hear it and I loved her answer.

"All great, a little still and monotonous" she was frank, saying it a little bored "I think the most lively thing I did today was shopping, ah! Speaking of which, wait a minute, I'll be right back."

She said goodbye temporarily with a kiss on my cheek, went away for about a minute and 15 seconds and then came back with a jar of yogurt and a spoon in her hands. Just strawberry yogurt, my favorite. I wanted to laugh, but I was embarrassed by her gesture, the way she remembered me. There was only one thing left for me to say.

"I can't believe you remembered me, thank you" I ended up smiling.

"Do you really think I would forget about you? Or how grumpy you are without your strawberry yogurt?" she joked.

"Oh no, don't talk like that ..." this time, I ended up laughing.

I opened the pot and started eating without ceremony, after all, this is what Marlene expected me to do. Apparently, she also expected me to share the pot with her, since she stuck an index finger into the pot, licking the yogurt, even against my protests.

"I thought you bought this just for me" I complained jokingly, trying to keep the pot away from her.

"Is it so, then? I bother to remember your yogurt and you don’t give me a little bit? Take that, Andreas!" she said in the same playful tone, but smearing my face with yogurt.

"Oh no, stop, Marlene, seriously!" I tried to clean myself while laughing.

She stayed still and quiet, leaving me alone for a while, but unable to stop laughing, bursting out laughing again.

"Okay, that's not what I came here for" I tried to regain my dignity.

The old fashioned way, I knelt in front of her, looking straight into her eyes.

"Oh, are you begging for something? I already stopped" Marlene joked, but I saw curiosity in her eyes.

"Actually, I wanted to ask you something" I moved on "would you like to marry me?"

She was startled, staring at me in disbelief, saying nothing for a long moment, which made me worried because I was standing there, feeling my legs start to get numb.

"Niki, you can't be serious, do you really want this?" she managed to speak again.

"Of course I want it, I want it so much" I nodded to her and then I touched her face "I thought a lot and there is nothing to stop us from doing this, we get along very well together, we have a wonderful life, I just want to share it with you, the right way."

"Okay ..." she murmured and I saw that she was considering, her expression indicated a favorable response "even with the whole face full of yogurt, I couldn't say no. Yes, Niki Lauda, I would like and want to marry you."

I smiled, feeling that enormous sense of happiness that I rarely felt, more intense than winning a race or an entire championship. Marlene didn't really care about the yogurt on my face, because she kissed me without ceremony.

After the proposal, I didn't want to waste any time. My now fiancee let me regain my dignity and wash my face, so together, we organized for our engagement.

"We can get married in England, right after the race" I told my plans "just take the documents, let everything prepared before the registry, simple as that."

"No party, no fancy ceremony, no guests, no formal attire" she was listing and I feared a little for that "for me it's perfect."

"Really? I thought that maybe I would like something bigger, more meaningful" I deduced.

"My fiance forgets that I am a very discreet person" she smiled a little "I think it's great that way, we will be just the two of us there, with the witnesses, just what is necessary, without drawing the attention of the press, we don't need more spotlight on us. It's fine with me, Niki, it's going to be great."

"Okay" I smiled, happy that she accepted my plans.

I looked forward to our trip to London. No matter what happened on Sunday, I would do my best to win, but the main event would be for me to marry the woman I loved.


	18. The Wedding

As I stared at Niki on my knees in front of me, my face all covered in yogurt because of me, I still had trouble believing what he had said to me.

Better, going back in time a little more, when my boyfriend arrived at my apartment that night, I thought it was just another visit, nothing more, so I had played with Niki and laughed at his expense, but nothing had me prepared to be proposed that day.

The question had not been so sudden, Niki was right to point out that we were having a wonderful life together and, of all my previous relationships, I would not choose to marry any of the other men I had met, only Niki. That's exactly what I wanted, so I said yes, becoming his bride right away, feeling very happy about it.

Before we were married, there was still the British Grand Prix to happen, with me in the pits, and Niki, on the track, doing what he knew best. It was a tough race for him, I knew that our recent engagement wasn't on his mind while he was running, which I thought was fair. He did his best to recover the lost position.

Finally, James beat him that Sunday, but Niki didn't let him down. According to what he told reporters, nothing would stop him from winning the next race.

When we left, we prepared for our most important commitment. The next day, I was calm, thrilled to be getting married, but very calm, happy with the step we were taking together. As for Niki, he was the complete opposite of me.

He had driven the whole way from the hotel to the registry office in silence, with the same concentrated face he used to do, but out of nervousness, without frowning he was even more frowning. We followed the scheduled time on time and, as we arrived a little early, we waited our turn, sitting next to each other, and Niki, well, was still a nervous wreck.

"I hope you understand me" he said, barely looking at me "you already knew how I am."

I knew well what he was referring to, my fiancé knew very well how his peculiar personality could affect others, including me.

"I'm not that romantic, don't expect flowers or walk hand in hand or something ..." he continued "maybe I'll forget your birthday."

Now I had to laugh, deep down he knew I didn't care so much about that kind of thing, he was loving and attentive in his own way.

"But if there is someone with whom I want to do this, it could only be you, nobody else" he continued, looking at me with all sincerity.

It was such a simple phrase, so direct, and it touched my heart for exactly that reason.

"My God, a poet ..." I said admired, with a slight touch of humor, just to calm Niki.

When we were called, he got up at once, he was in such a hurry to solve everything, and a little nervousness pushed him too. To be honest, now that I was about to get married, it hit me and I got nervous too. I took a deep breath, moving on, my decision was made and I wouldn't go back.

Inside the office, Niki returned to seriousness. We signed papers, answered the same yes, which meant our sacred oath to be united with one another. We exchanged shy looks, I confess, it was difficult to maintain a serious attitude in front of the judge when the inner emotion was so great. Finally, with everything settled, the judge officially declared us married. It had all been very simple, resolved within the hour, but that one hour marked the beginning of a somewhat different life than we had been used to.

Niki and I sealed the engagement with a kiss, exchanged our wedding rings and left there to go on to the life we would build together from now on. Taking advantage of the time we would have before the next race, we went straight to Ibiza, where we would spend our honeymoon and where our new home would be.

Spending the holidays there had earned us a great appreciation for the place, so it was no surprise to me when Niki decided to settle there, we chose a new house together, and then I arranged and organized everything in a way that would please both of us. After everything in its place, it was just enjoying each other's company, finally as married.

Despite the relaxation and tranquility, at one point, something started to disturb Niki. I had woken up in the middle of the night, bothered by the weightlessness on the other side of the bed, I was suddenly alone, with no sign of where my husband had gone and what he had been doing at that time of night.

Worried, I went down the stairs and looked for him everywhere, until I found him standing in the room, looking out the window, looking away, his mind focused on many things other than the present. It didn't even look the same as a few hours ago he had played with me and run after me. That was my husband, I already knew him, so sweet and adorable, but also so serious and focused, calculating.

"What is it?" I approached slowly, wanting to ask more questions, but being careful not to make him more alarmed than he already seemed to be.

"Happiness is an enemy" declared my husband, with a certain regret in his voice "it weakens you, now I have much more to lose."

I think my natural reaction to that sentence would be to be offended, did that mean that Niki had regretted marrying me? No, that was not quite what he was saying. It was his unique way of telling me that he was afraid, that he feared what was to come, because for the first time in his life, he was completely happy, and he was afraid that it would make him lose his focus and his goals.

"When you say that happiness is an enemy it's too late, you have already lost" I replied, thinking about everything he wanted to say, making sure there was no way he could take our marriage away from his priorities, and that he would have to live with it with that from then on, being able to combine emotion and reason at the same time.

He nodded to me, absorbing my words, and I thought I should at least say something else to reassure him.

"Niki" I took a step forward, getting closer, he didn't move, as if allowing my approach "there is nothing wrong with having feelings, I understand your concerns, your way of seeing things ... I just hope, with all the patience in the world, that you don't see any of this as a bad thing, everything will be fine from now on."

"Okay," my husband murmured, and ended up hugging me.

It was comforting to feel him calmer in my arms, he started to understand what our marriage would be like from then on.


	19. Bad decisions

I really didn't want to hurt Marlene with my abrupt sincerity, but that's what has been around my mind since I realized I was completely happy.

It was good, it was wonderful, a feeling so rare in my life that now I was sure I would feel it every day just because I had my wife by my side. However, when everything started to go wonderfully well, I was going to be suspicious.

I was afraid of being too distracted, of forgetting my goals because of the great emotion I was feeling. I didn't want to hide it from Marlene, so I told her, and how grateful I was that she understood me once again in my life. I used the following weeks to reconcile my new status, a very strong candidate for the 1976 championship winner and husband of Marlene Lauda.

The race in Germany then came and I realized that the Nurburgring circuit could be an obstacle to my goal of doing well in the race. I tried in every way to reverse the situation, to convince my colleagues that this wasn't the ideal and fairest time to compete. The circuit had a series of failures that added to the danger and in addition, it had rained. Even so, Hunt convinced most of the contrary, that we could run normally. Inside I felt more angry at him, and I was forced to compete.

"Are you okay?" Marlene asked as I prepared to get in the car.

I didn't have the courage to lie to my wife, or even answer her with words. My worried look said everything she needed to know. She looked down, also worried, then looked back at me.

"Be careful, please" she asked, which was rare for her to do, because I was always careful.

Marlene kissed my cheek before I got in the car, and her affectionate gesture provoked mixed emotions in me. It was like a warning from her, like she was enjoying the time we had now because it would be too long before she saw me again. I was still mad at James, I was still worried about the race.

Already positioned on the grid, I couldn't help observing my surroundings, hoping that the environment would inform me enough for me to be successful. Time remained closed, like a person in a bad mood and hating me, refusing to help me. When the start flag went down, I did the best I could.

I had to change the tires because of the bad conditions and recovering my lost time at the pit stop, I suffered the consequences of my hurry. I remembered only the car crashing, but then, as much as I tried, nothing came to mind, just flashes here and there. The most concrete thing I saw was Marlene watching me, completely worried, more than that, containing despair behind her eyes. And it was my fault, there were a number of factors that forced me to run that day, but primarily, I felt guilty for making my wife feel that way.

After that, I completely lost consciousness, plunging into a seemingly endless void.

________________________________________________________________________________

Niki's attentive and concerned look on the track didn't make me feel any better. He himself had been too concerned about the conditions of the wet track, which had called a meeting against the race taking place that day. For that reason alone I should already know that the risks would be enormous, leaving my heart even tighter. I just had to ask my husband to be careful, to trust God and Niki's skills.

The race started and I turned my eyes to the box TV, nothing would get me out of there until it was over, but then, a tragedy managed to get me out of my place. Just hearing the warning of the collision that had happened, I worried, but when I heard the name of Ferrari, one of its cars involved in the accident, I despaired. It didn't matter if it was Clay or Niki, I feared for both.

There was a natural movement of the team, Daniele left there in search of more information, taking about 10 minutes that left me in agony. When he returned, his compassionate look already anticipated what I expected. I suppressed a sob suddenly, I didn't want to lose my composure.

"Marlene, I'm sorry, but it was Niki who crashed" he tried to calmly tell me, but he was also in shock "the car caught fire, he suffered burns ..."

"I need to see Niki, I'll go there, I'll ..." I was walking, moved by my desperation to see up close how my husband was.

"No, no, don't do it, he is being treated now, I assure you, he was rescued alive, but we need more information ..." Daniele interposed in front of me and sighed "look you better go to the hospital, follow the ambulance, it's better this way."

I just nodded and did what he suggested. During the ride, I could hardly believe it. I knew, since always, I knew that at each race Niki had the risk of having a serious accident, and even worse than that, fatal, but we never expect that to happen, I always got that thought out of my head, in an attempt to push away it in a way that it never happens, but there I was. And as much as I tried, my strengths and hope were going away.

My only company on that tortuous path was the radio, which kept me informed of what was happening to my husband. It was horrible, scary, all the doctors assumed was that Niki was on the verge of death. As much as I felt suffocated and sad, the tears didn't come, I was still in too much shock and the only thing that went through my mind was to give Niki comfort in what seemed like his last hours. I stopped on my way to call a priest, it was the best I could offer, divine comfort, while my hands were tied and the doctors predicted the end.

They let me into the hospital immediately, they already knew who I was, they just let me monitor the hospitalization. I was trying to see at least a crack in my husband behind the bandages and tubes, but he was hidden by the agony. The little I saw showed his confusion, Niki was completely lost, as if he didn't know what exactly was going on. He looked fragile and delicate, very different from who he really was. It was this image that despaired me, tears forced themselves out of the corners of my eyes. I let the priest give his extreme anointing, hardly believing it, I couldn't just settle for losing Niki.

I left there, looking for some air, waiting for news. So much started to go through my head, how things would be different if he weren't a pilot, he would be fine and safe at this very moment, I wouldn't be desperate. But also, if he wasn't a pilot, I would never have met him. No, it wasn't fair for Niki to think that way, running was his calling and he was always careful, the risks were always there, and today unfortunately, they had just appeared to Niki.

I sat there, waiting for what would happen, preparing for what was to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I split up the points of view, I hope you weren't confused.


	20. A long process

When I no longer knew what to do, becoming restless about it, standing up, still without news about Niki's condition, I started to feel tiredness hit. I had been there for so long that I could barely say since when I was there, the hours went on, and I was feeling completely lost.

Clay kept me company for a while, not quite sure what to say, but offering me his support, no matter what. In that sad moment I was able to feel gratitude that he was a good friend and really cared about Niki, despite my husband's difficult personality. Just thinking about it, I went back to distress again, because there was a chance that I would never hear his grumblings and complaints again. I tried to get it out of my head, but the difficult reality pushed me to that conclusion.

Then, they took me out of my distressed state, the doctor called for me, explaining that Niki had just woken up and that he had expelled the priest from the room. Just from this fit of irritation, I was sure he was fine, his reaction and the good news made me smile. I ran to the bedroom, just happy that my husband was alive, but I held back a little when the nurse looked at me with pity and my eyes turned to Niki. Seeing him that way horrified me.

His face was completely swollen and bruised from the burns, I could barely see his facial features behind the wounds. Niki's face scared me too much, with all the swelling and deformations. I felt my feet getting heavy as I approached the bed, looking at his face more closely, I could only imagine the tremendous pain he felt at the time of the accident and should have been felt now.

I managed to touch his hand, making him move slowly, noticing my presence there. When his eyes focused on mine, I started to cry. Suddenly, the wail grew, high-pitched screams came out of me between sobs. I saw Niki try to shake his head, asking me to stop it.

"I'm sorry ..." my voice was completely muffled, choked "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Niki ..."

"I'm sorry for making you go through this" he murmured an almost inaudible answer, but I understood well.

"No, no, everything is fine, I mean, everything that happened is terrible" I tried to formulate an intelligible phrase "but what matters is that you are alive, all that crossed my mind is that I would lose you forever ..."

To that, he had no answer, looked down, feeling somewhat guilty, and it was my turn to feel guilty. He was injured, bedridden and me throwing in his face what could have been worse for very little, because after all, he was a race driver.

"I didn't lose you, Niki, that's what matters, you're here" I said more firmly, trying to have more faith "you did what you could have done to prevent this from happening."

He nodded slightly.

"I just want to say that I love you, and we are going to get through this together" I was really trying to have a supportive posture, so that he would feel more relaxed, even with everything that was happening "I will let you rest."

I stood up, kissing his hand.

"I love you too" he told me softly, and I managed a small smile.

I left the room, finding everything so much more tense and complicated than I had imagined it would be. Niki's appearance had been an initial shock, but now I would have to get used to the situation we were in. It was just the beginning of a long painful process, both for him and for me. Much more for Niki, it would be physical and psychological pain, and my heart was tight for following all this.

I decided that I would have to be strong, stay firm and focused, helping Niki get through it. I went back to the hotel we were in, organizing my extended stay, trying to get some rest, but barely able to sleep. The next day, I was there, beside my husband, watching his slow recovery.

At first, Niki barely spoke, his lips were swollen and in addition, he was intubated constantly, for a particular reason that worried me even more. Although the burns were more visible and exposed, the real risk was hidden internally.

The doctors explained to me that it would be difficult to suck the gases out of his lungs, I just agreed with the procedures, I trusted that they knew what they were doing. I just couldn't keep up sometimes, I saw how much he suffered, how it hurt to have an instrument piercing his chest from the inside. The worst was how Niki insisted on the intensity of the treatment, it was as if he wanted to finish this as soon as possible, in a hurry to get back to what he had left unfinished.

I knew Niki very well, I knew about his drive and determination to run, I didn't need to touch on the subject from which I already knew his answer. After his lungs recovered, his chances of recovery increased, I was quite sure that he would be fine. Still, he would undergo delicate surgery to recover his face.

His wounds were still healing, but he insisted on standing, convincing himself that he could run again. There was a moment when I was away from his room for a short time, and I found him in a way that I didn't want to see, but I knew in my heart of hearts that it would happen.

With much pain and effort he tried to put on his helmet, regardless of the wounds that could open again. My desire was to run and take the helmet out of his hands, scold him as if he were a stubborn boy, but I couldn't, it would hurt him too much if I did that.

"Niki, stop it..." it was the only thing left for me to say, beg, waiting for him to hear me "Stop, please ..."

"If you really love me, don't say anything ..." was his reply, which left me shaken.

I shut up, in addition to asking me to be silent, I didn't know how to respond myself. I cared about Niki, but I knew that I would never control his wants and desires to run. I could only agree, and I couldn't stay there any longer, looking at his suffering. I walked away, trying to reconcile what I had seen, and think about how I could help him in this phase.

So, it's time for his face surgery. The burns had been too deep, Niki had lost part of the scalp and the entire right ear, which meant that new skin wouldn't naturally grow there. I wanted to at least stay inside the operating room, I wouldn't have the courage to see the procedure itself, but I wanted Niki to know that I was right there, close to him.

The doctors didn't insist on me much, I obeyed the recommendations as a good patient escort and once again, I waited. I waited and waited, feeling another kind of agony, it was hours and hours, but finally I was able to visit him.

What made me happy was seeing Niki's smile, it was a sign that smiling didn't hurt anymore. His face was much better compared to the moment he had been rescued, yet the scars would never leave him. I didn't care about any of that, but I was afraid of how he would react to seeing his own face so changed without having seen it for a month.

Finally I was able to kiss him, glad that we had won a tortuous first stage. It only remained to see what was coming.


	21. A courageous step

I felt useless and weak, they were the two main feelings I had during the first days in the hospital. It was complicated, it was difficult, all I thought was that I had to get out of there, but then, I started to process what had happened to me. I had suffered a very serious accident that had almost taken my life. This perception had become clear to me when Marlene told me that she thought she would lose me. I felt guilty when I heard that; as her husband, it wasn't my intention to worry and upset my wife, but we both knew the risks.

Everything had been confusing, painful, horrible, but now that everything was over, that was how I faced it, my accident was left behind, I was still alive and that alone was enough to convince me and show me that I should move on. That was why I wanted to start racing as soon as possible, I couldn't lose the championship when I was so close to winning the world title again.

During my treatment, Marlene was always close to me, she followed everything with concern and sadness, I couldn't blame her for that, I understood her completely, but together with her, I had hopes for my recovery. Who was also a constant company was the television, it seemed that they left in the news and in the races on purpose. There I was, completely helpless, while Hunt won race after race, taking advantage of my absence, which made me more and more angry.

I knew very well that I had a natural pre-disposition to sulking, but everything had contributed to making me angry. Being in the hospital was stressful, my treatment was painful and watching James win without being able to compete on equal terms made me furious. The only thing that calmed me down was being able to talk to my wife.

"So the doctor said that your surgery was successful, your face is reacting well" she told me the latest news after she had undergone the procedure on my face.

"That's a good thing, I suppose," I replied, more discouraged than Marlene had expected.

"This is extremely good" she reaffirmed, looking at me worried "but what is not so good for you?"

I knew she had noticed my discomfort as well as being a recovering patient.

"I'm tired of standing still, with practically nothing to do" I confessed "I have been thinking something, in fact I have a decision made about it, but I'm almost sure that you won't like it."

"Ah yes ..." she gave a little laugh without humor "I know exactly what you're talking about, and to be honest Niki, I don't like that, I really don't, but I'm not a fool either."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"My love, I'm not stronger than your nature to compete again" she held my hands with all sweetness "I won't lie saying that I like the idea, I am still afraid, but I also know that it would be unfair for me to be among you and the races. If you're well enough for that, Niki, fine with me, but it all depends on you."

"I understand and thank you, thank you very much" I kissed her hands, grateful.

I waited a few more days in agony and then, I managed to stand up, dress myself, and even with all the fear inside me, face me in the mirror for the first time after the accident.

At first, I couldn't believe it was me there, I really had an unpleasant appearance. That left me amazed and in shock for a long time, until reason pulled me back to reality. No matter how my face looked, I was still alive, I was fine and I could run.

A little later, my insecurities hit me. I started to imagine how people would react to my appearance, be scared, treat me like a poor victim ... I would have to overcome all this, it wasn't the first time I faced a challenge, and therefore, I wouldn't run away from this one.

Still, I thought of Marlene, I wanted to hide my concerns from her, but it wasn't fair, it wasn't right. Sitting next to me, she noticed my mental restlessness, looking at me in a way that questioned where I had my head.

"You weren't scared when you saw me?" I told my thought, that I wanted to know so much.

"I was really scared when I saw you, as soon as they brought you from Nurburgring" she replied "all I thought about was the pain you had been through, but a little later, all I thought was that regardless of the accident, it was my husband over there."

"So ... don't you care how my face looked?" I said impressed, concluding that this is what Marlene meant.

"Niki, do you really think I would care about your appearance when the most important thing is that you survived?" Marlene said with all the sweetness and understanding possible "I fell in love not only with your face, but with who you are inside. Who you are and not how you are on the outside. Regardless of anything, I love you, Andreas Nikolaus Lauda."

"For all that, I won't have any more doubts" I managed to smile, even though I didn't really like her saying my full name "I love you too."

"I love you" she said again and kissed my cheek.

Things still seemed uncertain, but I knew that Marlene was the greatest certainty in my life.


	22. Unexpected Visitors

With good news about Niki's recovery, but also full of medical recommendations that asked for rest and care, I started preparing everything to go home, after more than a month in Germany and everything that had happened there, I missed Ibiza more than ever.

Niki also couldn't wait to be free of all that, so I said goodbye to him momentarily, promising that I would be back soon. I returned to the hotel in which I was staying, arranging all the expenses and already preparing to leave, when I heard someone calling me in a peculiar and informal way.

"Marlene?" I turned towards the voice and was amazed by who I saw.

"James? What are you doing here?" it was Hunt who was unbelievably in front of me.

"I needed to talk to you, since I couldn't talk to Niki" he said, extremely uncomfortable, very atypical to his natural way of being.

Before answering anything, since I had many things on my mind to question him, I did what I thought was most sensible.

"You don't want to sit down? We can go to the restaurant, I don't mind paying you something" I proposed "by the way, I think our conversation will take a while."

He just nodded, still crestfallen, following in my footsteps.

"Before anything, James, I wanted to tell you that Niki is already much better" I told him "he can speak normally, if that's what you're worried about."

"I'm happy to know that he's better" James had relief and regret in his words "really, I wish I could visit him when everything happened, but I just didn't have the courage, I felt so guilty ... No request of forgiveness would make you understand me ..."

"Why exactly do you blame yourself?" I wanted to understand that part of the story, it was clear that something had happened between them before the race.

"Well, I ... There was a meeting with everyone to decide if we were going to run or not, and I provoked everyone and Niki that we should run" James was lost in memory for a moment "you know I don't have the same prudence as him."

"I know, James, but what happened, even if you feel guilty, it wasn't exactly your fault" after going through all the drama and seeing my husband between life and death, I could understand Hunt much better "me and Niki knew the risks, he was fully aware of what he was doing, what happened was a fatality, but it's something that both Niki and I want to overcome, we are overcoming, in fact, this is how he sees things, he's lucky to be alive and want to move on."

"It's something he would do, I admire his determination," James reflected.

"Me too" I agreed, with the same constant pride of my husband.

"Well, the important thing is that Niki is fine" James summed up, already preparing to leave, but interrupting himself in the process "Marlene, could I ask you one more thing?"

"Yes" I waited to see what he was going to say.

"Don't tell Niki that we talked, I would prefer it this way, at least for now, until I have the courage to face him again" James made his request, which I found bitter and fair.

"All right", I agreed.

"Thanks" without further words, he said goodbye, leaving me alone and with more things to reflect on.

It was incredible that in the middle of the world championship still happening, he took the trouble to go to Germany after news of Niki. Still, James had such a block that he couldn't speak to my husband in person. Apparently, Niki's accident had caused trauma to people I least expected.

I decided to keep James' secret, just as he had asked me. Then, finally, Niki and I went home. It was a real journey to catch the plane and reach our home in Ibiza. It was common for people to look at Niki and his face, still with bandages on his head, but it seemed that none of it bothered him, or maybe he was getting used to ignoring it.

I noticed his smile when he saw our house, looking at each space and corner with longing and relief.

"It's as they say" I hugged him carefully by the sides "there is no better place than home."

"Of course" he kissed my cheek and in that instant, I was almost sure that things were returning to normal.

Niki managed to follow the recommendations to remain more quiet and relaxed, ended up reading books and drinking tea with me constantly, but her restlessness was present behind all this. I knew it was a matter of very little time before he wanted to return to racing.

Amid my concerns, one more thing came up for me to worry about. It all started with a phone call, which I ran to answer, but Niki followed me, waiting to see what it was all about.

"Hello?" I said, waiting.

"Hello, is it from the Lauda house?" The man on the other end of the line sounded a little more distressed.

"Yes, it's Marlene Lauda speaking, who is it, please?" I started to be suspicious.

"My name is Florian, I wanted to pay you a visit, I don't know if Niki would mind, but anyway, I needed to see him" explained Florian, and suddenly, the name wasn't that strange to me, Niki he had mentioned it to me once, and then never again.

"You are his brother, aren't you?" I tried not to look at Niki while waiting for confirmation, anxious about what that could mean.

"I am, I heard about the accident" Florian said with sorrow "my family was desperate, but I believe you know that he avoided contact with us."

"Yes, I know" I nodded and started to think quickly to resolve that situation "give me time to talk to him and tell me your phone number, I'll contact you as soon as I can."

Florian agreed with me, doing what I asked. I hung up the phone, preparing to touch on that very delicate subject for Niki.


	23. Meeting again

Niki was still looking at me questioningly when I hung up the phone, so I realized that I would have no chance of advancing that subject. He would pressure me to know who had called and I, well, it was up to me to tell the truth, how he would react, it would depend on him.

"Who called? Is it serious? You look pretty shaken to me,” he said, as I had predicted.

"Niki, your brother called me" I spoke on a sigh and immediately my husband was alarmed "he heard about the accident and wanted to know if he could see you."

"No, I don't ... I don't know if I want this" Niki was a little scared, but soon after he gave way to anger "did he say what he wanted? Does he want more than that? Tell my parents? No, I don't want to have anything to do with these people."

"Niki, please ..." I tried, while understanding his revolt.

"I can't ... I can't ..." the strong emotion didn't let him formulate any right sentence.

"I know they hurt you a lot, but that was so long ago" I tried to advise him, putting a hand on his shoulder "and from what you told me, Florian never hurt you, so ..."

"Even so, my grandfather may be using him to reach me, and I don't want to see him, ever again!" Niki got angry when he said that, but then he fell apart, crying and looking for hugs in me.

I hugged him and let him cry for as long as needed.

"Rest, my love" I asked very gently "think about what you are going to do and only then do something about it."

He left me alone, going to do what I asked. When I went to see how Niki was doing, he was still sleeping. His bruised face reminded me of everything we had been through and now, after this great challenge, another one appeared to be at our doors. I was distracted for a while and when Niki woke up, he seemed a lot better, but no less decided.

"I decided to talk to him, but if he tells the rest of the family or brings them here, I swear he won't even pass the door" Niki promised.

"Okay, for me it's a good start" I smiled, he was still in a bad mood, but my husband was usually like that.

I called Florian, arranging everything, so I helped Niki get ready for it. He was at his side if he wanted to talk, but on the contrary, he was absorbed in his own thoughts, reflecting on everything. I answered Florian, seeing that he had a certain resemblance to Niki, but he was a little younger.

"Hello, it's a pleasure to meet you" I was very cordial, which surprised my brother-in-law.

"Me too, this is so unbelievable" he confessed "I only knew you on television, to be honest."

"You mean you watch Niki's races?" I was surprised, that could only be the explanation for Florian to know me on TV.

"It was the only way to have news about my brother" he shrugged, being sincere.

"Niki will be glad to know that you are accompanying him" I guaranteed, which I thought was a good sign.

"Where is he? Better, how is he?" Florian was very worried.

"I'm here" Niki came to meet us.

The Lauda brothers were almost equally shocked by the encounter. Of course, Florian had been frightened by Niki's injuries, but also by seeing his brother after so long.

Without further hesitation, the youngest embraced the older. My husband was a little reluctant with the affection, but he still gave in.

"I missed you a lot" confessed Florian.

"I can imagine, but you know why I left, and I don't regret it" Niki declared.

"I know, and by the way you are still the same hardhead as always" said Florian, the expression made them both laugh "but you got what you wanted, despite everything ..."

"With everything you mean, our grandfather and the accident? Well, Florian, I'm not willing to let either stop me" my husband remained convinced.

"Yeah, I thought you were going to say that" reflected Florian "but are you really okay? Have you recovered?"

"I'm much better, really" Niki became more relaxed "it was horrible days, but I got over it, and everything was left behind."

"You don't forget an accident like yours overnight," pointed out Florian.

"And I will never forget" Niki said "I'm just saying that what matters is that I'm alive."

"Yeah, I'm glad for that" Florian nodded "otherwise I wouldn't be able to see you again, brother."

Niki was thrilled by the way Florian called him. Deep down, I knew that he had missed his brother as much as Florian missed him.


	24. Moving on

There was no way for me to predict what would happen, especially when I was starting to resume what I considered familiar. I was sure that nothing else would attract my family to me, nothing else could make us meet again, but still, there was Florian again with me.

For a brief moment, I felt I was a child again, in front of my brother, who was always so understanding with me, that he always had me as his great example. Really, I had no reason to blame him for my departure, deep down, I should apologize for having included him in that departure.

After the initial shock of the meeting, we managed to talk a little better. I noticed the admiration and astonishment in Florian's eyes, he was asking himself mentally how I managed to submit to all this and still survive the accident. Eventually, I managed to get this topic out of the conversation and finally, we got at what was really delicate and profound for me.

"Mom and Dad still remember you a lot" my brother said "mainly on your birthday."

"And our ... Grandfather?" it was hard not to remember the last hard conversation we had.

"He doesn't like when we mention you, but I have to admit" admitted Florian "Niki, you got what you wanted."

"Did you have any doubts?" I managed to play with him.

"No, no way, as I said, you are very stubborn" my brother laughed "but Niki, I'm so happy for you, but even happier because you wanted to meet me and I could see you, imagine if ..."

"No, please, no" I knew he would say about my parents, and I tried to stop the idea "I don't know if it would be good, if I'm willing to, the truth is that I'm not, and I don't know if any I'll be there someday, don't get me wrong, I enjoyed seeing you again, but I don't know how I would react if I saw Mom and Dad again."

"I understand, I understand Niki, of course I do" Florian looked disappointed, but his words were sincere "could I at least tell them how you are?"

"I think this is tolerable" I ended up agreeing, nodding.

I made it clear to my brother that he, his wife and children would be most welcome when he wanted to return. So, I said goodbye to Florian, and I had to admit, I was a lot lighter for that.

Now I was ready to pick up exactly where I left off, all I had to do was tell Marlene, hoping to count on her understanding once again.

"I talked to Daniele" I told her "they are ready, in case I want to go back."

"If you want to go back?" I noticed the sarcasm in her voice - of course you want to go back, even against medical recommendations.

"And do you object?" I needed to know.

"You know my answer" she sighed and touched my face "but as I said, I have no right to stop you. Just be careful, Niki, take all necessary care, I ... I don't want to lose you."

"I will do my best" I thought it best to be frank, I wouldn't promise something that I couldn't fulfill.

That way, we finally get back to the old routine. I had to go through something unpleasant, but that was part of the job, giving clarifications to the press about my treatment and surgery, also thinking about how things would be going forward.

Of course, they questioned me cruelly, if there was a possibility that Marlene would remain married to me even though I had this new scary appearance. I lost patience, it was that old ghost trying to intimidate me again, but my wife had made it clear that she wouldn't abandon me under any circumstances and I could trust her with all my strength.

I focused on what was most important now, the race. It was training day and, for the first time, after more than a month away from my car, I was close to it again. It was completely rebuilt, since the accident had destroyed everything. As I remembered the accident, I felt the hesitation rise in me, I wondered if I was really doing what was right. It wasn't the kind of doubt a pilot should have and I was certainly a pilot. I ignored all of that and got into the car, concentrating, just waiting for the sign that I could get on the track.

I accelerated, feeling the speed around me, the engine running, the curves ahead approaching, the inevitable image of the accident forming in my head. I remembered the little moments before the crash and that was what it was all looking like, although I knew there was no imminent danger ahead. It was as if suddenly, I didn't know what to do, as if I couldn't avoid the worst.

My breath was running away from me, it felt like the car was getting smaller and smaller around me, squeezing me, suffocating me. I had to get out of there. Gradually, I slowed down, until I stopped completely, leaving right after I hit the pits. It felt like the lap of the circuit had taken forever, but I was barely out of the first leg. I felt like a coward, I didn't want to see anyone so I wouldn't have to explain. I just wanted to be alone for a moment and understand what was going on.


	25. An act of courage

I missed Niki when he didn't immediately return to the circuit pits at Monza. It wasn't very common for me to follow training, just the race itself, but after everything that had happened, I thought it best to be as present as possible. It was then that I saw my husband abandon the car and not even look back, getting out of there as fast as he could.

I was worried, of course, there was no doubt that something had happened to him to react that way and even so, as much as I wanted to go after him immediately, I knew it was not the most propitious moment for that.

The guys on the team also wanted to do the same thing, but I told them it was better not to. In the meantime, I ended up feeling the need to leave as well. Not knowing exactly what was going on with Niki left me a little stunned, needing air and space.

I took a walk around the race track, just me and my thoughts, judging if enough time had passed for me to look for Niki. It was then that I decided that, no matter what he did, I would talk to him anyway.

I returned to the trailer that Niki used, a place for rest and food while at the race track, and there he was, in shock and awe. His lost gaze stared at the wall in front of him, it was as if he couldn't even move. At that moment, I feared scaring him even more if he noticed me there. I didn't have to do anything, he looked away and saw me. I approached shortly after our eyes met.

"What happened?" I asked the question I needed to ask so much.

"I ... I ..." it was like Niki's breath was missing "I can't ... I can't ..."

"You can't ..." I repeated, without questioning, understanding everything "oh Niki, I'm sorry ..."

He hugged me without warning, and I heard him cry, while stroking his back, it was the only kind of comfort I could offer.I understood that fear had paralyzed him, that he felt like a coward for not being able to drive, for not having overcome the accident as well as he thought.

"I thought it would happen again ..." he confessed to me, in a low voice "I thought I was going to lose control, that I ..."

"I know" I nodded, thinking about what to say "you know that ... There are certain things that are unpredictable, but use your reason and your logic, you have control of the car this time, the track is much better, even though you don't win, you can run."

"I never thought you would be encouraging me, especially now" he confessed and I had to make a face.

"I always knew the risks, and even better, I know who you are" I held his face and looked him in the eyes "and I know how much you want to go back, but I won't be less worried because of that."

"I know, but thanks anyway" Niki managed to smile and kiss my cheek "I love you."

"I love you too, Niki" I smiled at him with great pride.

I was absolutely right to say that I would be worried, because while the public was agitated at the Monza circuit to see the race, I wondered what it would be like, if it really would be safer as I had said, if Niki would leave there intact or in a stretcher ... I had to have faith, I needed to hope that everything would work out.

So he got ready and I stayed there in the pits, with my hands tied and my heart tight, unable to do much more than watch. The race started then, you could see how much people had been surprised to see Niki return after all.

It was precisely the recent experiences that hindered his initial performance, even just looking,I was sure that the fears haunted him again. According to commentators, Niki was having trouble accelerating, losing his place.

However, things changed, suddenly, he started to react, making up for lost time, returning to his old form. So, while the last lap was going on, I was looking forward to seeing how it would all end, hoping that everything would continue well, as it was from the beginning.

Niki's Ferrari passed the checkered flag and my heart raced with joy, no longer with anguish or concern. I wanted to go to him, say that he had already won, achieved a great personal victory, even coming in fourth place, but I was prevented by a good cause.

A literal crowd of fans surrounded Niki, lifting him, placing him on their shoulders, treating him like a true hero. That was exactly what he was, there was resilience and relief in his eyes when he looked at me, even from a distance.

I blew him a kiss, my gesture of comfort, affection, showing that I was also happy for what he had done that day.


	26. A last challenge

What Niki achieved in Italy made my heart proud and more peaceful. When he finally found me after the race at Monza, I gave him the tightest of hugs.

"I can't breathe" he even joked.

"Don't complain, that's because you're safe and sound" I replied and looked him in the eye "I'm so proud of you, Niki, it was wonderful what you did, congratulations on not giving up ..."

"Thanks, thanks for understanding me, again" he smiled and kissed me.

We went home then, taking advantage of the time we had until the last and promised race of the season. That time was very good for us, while I was more confident that Niki's races would be more successful from now on and his face was completely scarred.

It was a long trip to Japan, the site of the last 1976 Formula 1 race. Despite the tiredness, we managed to recover our energies with a good night's sleep, plus a few hours of the rest day. I felt like walking around the city a bit, getting to know a place here and there, but if I did, I was almost certain that Niki wouldn't accompany me. I couldn't blame him for that, I understood that I was completely focused on what I had to do over the weekend.

We had only been married for a few months, but we knew each other so well, I knew it was his concern that had left him so quiet and he knew that I was looking forward to a little walk around town.

"Where exactly would you like to go?" he asked me suddenly, with a smart smile, irresistible smile, by the way.

"What? What do you meanl? I didn't say anything ..." I replied, a little distracted.

"I know you wanted to go to the city a little, to know Japan, I know you, that's how you acted every time you went to a different country with me" he explained.

"Look, you're quite right, but I don't want to bother you" I laughed.

"It's not a bother, I'm officially inviting my wife to go out with me" he gave another one of those smiles, I didn't have much choice but to laugh and accept.

We walked around the shops, restaurants, and then chose one where we could eat, even though Niki was a little reluctant about the local food. I was so grateful that he was patient with me, because I saw that every time someone looked at his face too much, he was embarrassed, pulling the brim of his cap down a bit. During the meal, I made a point of showing my gratitude.

"Thank you for that, I know you're not ... exactly happy with ... the walk" I faltered, trying to be as delicate as possible.

"What? No, I'm fine, my love, really" he assured me "of course the looks are a bit annoying, it's natural, but I'm getting used to them, and in fact, I have to thank you for this idea, go out a little bit helped to stay calm."

"Are you sure this is not a dangerous distraction for your impeccable focus?" there was a joke in my question, but I was wondering if he thought that.

"No, I guarantee not, after all the race is only in two days" he confirmed.

"Do you think you're ready for this one?" I still feared a little for him.

"The more prepared as I can be" he nodded "don't worry, I will do my best, as always."

"I know you will," I said with certainty, stroking his face.

It was then that the weekend came, the training went smoothly, the qualifying too, even though Niki was in second place, James in pole position, but still it seemed that their rivalry didn't matter that much, there was a silent agreement between the two that won the best. It rained all night before Sunday morning, like a real flood, the prediction was that it would stay that way for a long time. As I prepared for the main events of the day, the worry that had left me so long ago, now returned at once. It was the rain and the bad conditions that had left Niki in a state between life and death, and now we were going through that again.

I noticed my husband watching the rain for several moments, since we left the hotel, until we reached the circuit, it was clear that his fears were trying to put him down, but even so, behind that, he still had the same obstinacy as ever. We were silent in the pits, while watching him, secretly wishing, a small side of me, that he would give up, that he would not go there, that it wasn't necessary to risk his life to prove to the world that he was faster than James, that was what most people expected to see that day.

When Niki looked at me, just before he got in the car, it was as if he silently begged me to let him do it, because again, he had no choice, and again, he counted on my trust in him. I trusted my husband, I just didn't trust the rain. I could only ask God to deliver him from what neither Niki nor I had control over.

I left him, I watched silently as he positioned himself. We exchanged one last look before he went to the grid, asking him to come back safe and sound. Once again, I felt that he promised me that he would do his best, like his words from a few days ago, his voice echoing in my ears.

"Come back to me, Niki ..." I thought, when he was no longer in the pits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To anyone reading this, I have some news to you. I'll be absent in the next days, I'm moving to a new town, but when I get everything in order, I'll post regularly again, thanks for understanding.


	27. A surprising decision

As usual, I turned my eyes and attention to the pit television, looking and observing the details of the race in detail. The rain was still falling fiercely, not wanting to stop anytime soon, so all the competitors had their difficulties to stand firm on the course.

It was then that something surprising happened, something sudden that I didn't expect, that took me out of my state of attention and apprehension. Niki returned to the pits, I immediately looked ahead, looking for a reason why he had done this, that it wasn't because of a defect in the car, or because he was injured in some way. I stood for a while, looking in his direction, looking for an answer to my questions.

Niki spoke to the team, and then got out of the car, without further explanation. When I approached, I understood what he had said. There was no problem, he just decided not to take any more chances, the visibility was horrible because of the rain and it was practically impossible to finish the race, going beyond the limits of common sense that Niki himself imposed on himself.

I was a little scared by that choice, it was hard to believe that he gave up on the race, while all his other teammates were still on the track, insisting on a victory. But I remembered how different my husband was, he wouldn't be putting himself at risk any more than he was willing. When I looked at him, Niki didn't look sad or frustrated, he was quite at peace, as if he was completely at ease with his decision. It was only then that I shared the same feeling, in the middle of that inhospitable condition, now he was safe and sound and I wouldn't have to worry anymore. I nodded with relief at him, knowing that both he and I were at peace with his decision.

I realized that he wanted to talk to me alone, maybe give me explanations of what had led him to give up on the race. I could imagine it was just his typical caution, speaking louder, but when I looked at him again, when we were alone in the trailer, there was emotion and joy contained in his home.

"I couldn't take any chances, not today" Niki started his explanation, shaking his head vehemently "maybe I'll never take any more chances, I'm not saying I'm going to stop running, I'm just saying that ..."

He paused, while I tried to understand all that, Niki looked confused and euphoric at the same time, very different from how he always was.

"I know, the risks today exceeded your percentages and you wouldn't put your life at risk" I said what I thought was the reason for his withdrawal.

"Okay, it was a bit of that, but the main reason" he approached me, taking my hand "it was you, I could only think of you, the worry, the fear, the pain I could cause you if something worse happened to me, worse than the last time, it was then that I saw that today, in exchange for your well being, our life together, it wasn't worth trying until the end, taking chances until the end."

"Ah Niki ..." I started to cry immediately, he hugged me, and at that moment, it was inevitable that I would contain myself, he had given up one of the most important things for him, for me, for us "I don't even know what to say..."

"No need, being here with me is enough" he replied in a good mood.

"I love you" I looked at him, speaking with all sincerity.

"I love you too" Niki replied, kissing me right after.

We continue to follow the race. James, despite the difficulties and having to visit the pits a few times, continued to run, betting everything he had to get the title, now that Niki had given up.

Niki and I were fully convinced that nothing would make James give up, not even the risk, or the lack of visibility. For him, none of this was enough of an obstacle to stop him from grabbing the grand prize that was in front of him.

We followed everything and then the result came, James hadn't won the race, but he had won the world championship. From other perspectives, that prize would be Niki's, but my husband's choices defined everything. We were at a stage where it was useless to question the "ifs", it was too late to change anything.

Knowing Niki well, I wondered if he wasn't thinking the same thing, if he wasn't sorry or regretting not having won. We stayed a little longer at the race track, as the protocol said, so, with James's victory being celebrated so close to us, we decided it was time to leave. Inside the helicopter that would take us to the hotel, my husband was quiet and introspective, more reflective than usual.

"Are you alright?" I had to ask, being worried and to be sure.

"I am" he said without doubt, looking back at me, capturing what else I questioned him by my look "I don't regret anything."

It was with this sincere response that I was able to feel better, Niki was satisfied with his choice and for me, it was a relief to have him there with me, safe and sound.


	28. More changes

Things seemed strange and different around us after that race in Japan. As much as everything was fine between Niki and me, there was an obvious tension around him, mainly because of his unexpected decision.

I was happy for what he had done and he also knew exactly what he was doing, what was at stake and so he was satisfied with his own decision. This conclusion didn't extend to other people. We wait for the year to pass and end, without hearing much from Ferrari and its racing board. We believed that a contract renewal would come very easily, Niki was a formidable champion, his own team admitted this, but until that moment, we still didn't hear anything from Ferrari.

I tried to relax while waiting for news, I trusted that everything would work out, but Niki had his doubts, and my time with him told me that if he had doubts, I should be on the alert too. 1977 arrived then, and Niki went to the Ferrari offices, waiting to see what they would do. It was a private matter that I didn't need to take part in, I just waited for news.

When my husband returned home, I saw the concern on his face, more precisely, in his eyes, there was a certain anger, a determination that nothing could overturn.

"Something serious happened, didn't it? "I soon deduced "just calm down, okay? I'll make you some tea ..."

He just nodded, finishing coming home, sitting down, being thoughtful for a long time. I found him in almost the same position when I returned with his tea.

"Thanks" Niki thanked, taking the cup from my hands in his.

I waited a little longer, he didn't look very well, he took a sip of tea, and then another, stopped again, then took a little more. He set the cup meticulously on the coffee table.

"We had a very ... emotional argument, Daniele and me ..." he murmured an answer that explained part of his condition.

"You fought each other? What exactly happened?" I wanted and needed to understand better what was happening.

"Well, to sum it all up, yes" Niki managed to give me a sarcastic smile "Daniele swears that the Ferrari executives don't want me back."

"Ah ..." that didn't surprise me, but I didn't expect to hear that answer at that moment "I kind of expected something like that ..."

"Really? I think I know why" my husband replied "but I should have expected that consequence would come, for what I did, in the end the teams only really want fame, fortune and glory ..."

"I understand that for them, their image was somewhat tarnished because you gave up on the race" I commented "once you explained that the drivers represent the teams, that everything they do as drivers represents who they are racing for."

"And because of me Ferrari looked like a quitter" NIki concluded "you know what? I don't care, I don't care really, I made it clear to Daniele, if they don't want me, then I won't be back."

"Wait, was your contract really canceled?" that was what I feared, and by the way, it was exactly what had happened.

"Yes, that was it" Niki admitted, a little sorry and shrugging "I didn't want to disappoint you, but I couldn't make another decision, they were already trying to send me away, so I just agreed."

"Ok ..." I didn't have enough answer formulated so quickly.

"I know, you must be super worried and all, but rest assured, I'll fix everything" he promised, a little desperate.

"I know you will, Niki, I know, that's not really what concerns me ..." I touched his face, showing that everything was fine "we can do well with the guarantee funds temporarily, but I'm worried about you, what are you going to do from now on, my love? You love running, it's an essential part of who you are."

"Yeah, running will never stop being part of me" he agreed with me "but you know that I also have other interests, maybe it's time to take a break from the races, and come back when things are more favorable."

"I think it's a great idea, really" I confessed, feeling relief that I wouldn't have to see him taking risks in the races for a long time "but what do you have in mind, what are you going to do in that free time, take some vacation?"

"Me taking a vacation? No, not yet" he managed to laugh and I felt better for seeing that he was feeling better "I think it would be the perfect time to have my own airline."

"Okay, you're going to exchange the floor for the air, I don't know what is more dangerous" I had to comment.

"You said yourself that running is in my essence, I think flying is almost the same thing" he pointed out "and you also said it would be a good idea."

"Are you really going to expect me to fully agree with you?" I asked, jokingly.

"As my wife, you promised me unconditional support" he argued.

"Ah that's not fair" I laughed "okay, I agree, the statistics say that flying is safer."

"Yeah, I know you're kidding, but you liked the idea" he said.

"Yes, of course I liked it" I admitted, no joke and sincerely.

"Thanks, my love" Niki thanked me again and hugged me.

"You're welcome" I replied.

I was happy to see him better, it was a complicated situation as he had separated from Ferrari, but I was glad that his brilliant mind had thought of something to make up for everything.


	29. An adventure in the heights

Many things had changed for us in the past few months, and the more I thought, the more I realized that not all things in my life were under my control. First, the accident had happened, which at that point, I already considered to have overcome. The marks of that fact would remain on my face forever, but the worst of all that was over, I had become accustomed to these conditions. And then, well, I didn't have much of a choice as to Ferrari's decisions. Of course I was upset, I tried to argue that I didn't want to leave simply because they did, because I had given up on the last race, but in order not to cause so many problems, I just left, which seemed terrible at first.

With a little more time, I realized the opportunity that had created for me, I would have a little more time, I could think about what I would do from now on. That's why I decided to invest in airplanes. I always loved mechanics and everything that involved the engines and what they set in motion, so now would be an ideal time to explore my aerial skills.

Flight lessons didn't seem so difficult to me, since if I knew how to drive, in general, I understood how to put any other vehicle in motion and control it, just as I did with the plane. When I became an expert on the subject, I decided that I could really invest in this type of business.

Marlene liked the idea, having our own company and business was another source of stability while I wasn't running again, if I was running again. For now, being honest with myself, I didn't want to think about that now. As my own wife always said, one of my greatest qualities was to stay focused and now, my goal was to command the airline, while enjoying the pleasure of flying an airplane.

Marlene was generally not afraid, she completely trusted me, if I may dare say so, but when I suggested taking an air tour together, I saw my wife's convictions waver before me.

"You don't want to go, or ... is there something else bothering you?" I tried to find the reason for her reaction not confident.

"No, it's not like that, I ... I don't know how to tell you" she looked away from me, having difficulties in her next words.

"Just say, my love, I can take your honesty and frankness, I promise" I spoke sincerely, even relaxing a little, since even my posture with crossed arms had apparently left her intimidated.

"Yeah, you just learned to fly, I don't know if you really know how to do it properly, not that you don't know how to fly, you are brilliant and you learn new things quickly, okay, I'm winding up here" she stopped talking without stopping and took a deep breath"what I mean is that I'm scared, I'm scared yes, even without having a concrete reason for it, but after all, that's what fear is, isn't it? It doesn't have much sense ..."

"You know that one way to deal with fear is to face it, not that I want to put you in an uncomfortable situation" I made it very clear.

"No, I know, I know" she nodded, looking back at me.

!And if something serious happened, I would know how to act, how to avoid an unexpected situation up there, trust me! I insisted, but in a delicate way "all I wanted to do was share this moment with you."

"And then you say it's not romantic ..." she rolled her eyes "ok, Mr. Lauda, you convinced me."

"I knew that at one time or another, I would make it" I kissed her cheek, excited, my wife just laughed in response.

I let her drive to the landing air, on a trip to Bologna, and then, there I saw Marlene marveling at the private plane.

"I thought it was something more ... I don't know, spacious and big" she commented.

"No, nothing like that, not for now, this is enough for both of us, I assure you" I told her, inviting her to come in with an outstretched hand.

When my wife held my hand, I felt it trembling, I was still afraid, but still, Marlene was very brave. She was there despite her fears, willing to trust me again, which made me very grateful and moved.

"I love you, thank you for coming," he said, to let her know what he was feeling at the moment.

"I love you too, and I will love you even more when you bring us safely back to the ground" she took the opportunity to play.

"Your wish is an order" I assured her that I would obey her request.

Marlene sat next to me in the front chairs, I explained to her about the controls and what I should do and how the plane should react to my commands.

"Okay, come on, I think I'm ready" she took a deep breath, it was the signal I needed to finally take off.

Everything was quiet on my part, but I saw Marlene clinging to the chair discreetly, I wasn't irritated by it, but her reaction started to change when we finally reached the clouds. I heard my wife sigh again, but this time, she was calmer, I saw her admiring the beautiful view out the window.

"Okay, I admit it's worth it" she looked at me for a brief moment, smiling "you are an excellent pilot, both in cars and airplanes."

"Thank you very much, my love" I replied, satisfied.

It was wonderful to be there with whom I loved most, it was a brief moment of happiness, which gave my life all its meaning.


	30. One more change

I thought I was a little silly, a little scared and completely indecisive to accept Niki's challenge to take a plane ride while he flew. After a while, I managed to admit that my fear was somewhat irrational and I trusted my husband once again, believing that everything would work out. And it really did, I was happy that we had a peaceful flight and really the view from the sky from up there was incredible, it made me feel so small and so amazed, thinking about how much smaller human beings could be part of a universe so much bigger and much wider.

But not everything worked out, as Niki went back to the landing area, I felt a terrible and sudden nausea. I didn't know how to explain exactly where that malaise came from. I wasn't afraid of heights and my nervousness was gone after we were up there. Maybe now I was feeling sick because of the previous nervousness.

"Niki ... I think I'm going to throw up ..." I mumbled, trying to find a solution to not end the plane with the waste from my stomach.

My husband made a worried face and pointed to a kind of drawer that was in the middle of the control panel. I understood that I should open it, I found a paper bag and before it was too late, I threw up inside.

"I'm sorry about that" I said after making some faces, putting the bag away from me.

"Okay, the important thing is that you are feeling better" he understood me.

"And I didn't get your precious plane dirty" I laughed "I'm sorry Niki, it seems that I wasn't so prepared to fly with you."

"No, this is nonsense, you did very well" he praised me, and then, we left the matter until we landed.

We left the plane there and went home, I preferred that Niki drive this time. Along the way, I felt my stomach turn over again.

"You don't look good at all" deduced my husband, worried "are you in any pain?"

"Pain? Not really a pain, but a pain in the belly" I murmured, still uncomfortable "I don't remember having eaten anything more than normal today."

"Sometimes it wasn't what you ate, you were really nervous before we flew, it could have been that" Niki agreed with something I had already thought.

"Okay, then, I better go home and get some rest, who knows, that will pass" I decided to resolve this issue that way.

That's what I did, I lay down for a while, waiting for the sickness to pass, but he just didn't want to leave me alone.

"Isn't it better to go to the doctor?" Niki suggested, still worried, what I started to find a bit exaggerated.

"Well, it's a very simple thing for us to need to go to the doctor, but if you insist, let's go" I ended up accepting what he suggested.

Once again, in the middle of waiting to be seen, Niki was sitting next to me while some people looked at his scars with curiosity. My husband's expression didn't change or fell because of that, he was really used to this type of reaction.

"Marlene Lauda" they called me and I got up immediately.

I responded to what the doctor wanted, I waited a while, until he analyzed what I said. Finally, he ordered a blood test, which could only see the result in a week. So we went home.

"This was all very serious for nausea "I commented, wondering the doctor's questions.

"Yes, I thought so, but worry is never too much, if it's something more serious, we have to be prepared" Niki spoke seriously to me on the subject.

"Seriously? There is nothing serious about nausea, this will pass" I said, more energetically than I intended, and that surprised me !I'm sorry, I spoke louder than I wanted to ..."

"Okay," Niki murmured a short answer, but I knew there was a lot more going on in his mind.

More days passed, my sudden nausea returned and then, we went to get the guy from the exam together. The doctor handed us the paper without saying anything, but it was there, wide open and clear the real reason for my discomfort. It had nothing to do with a bad thing, in fact, it was a very good thing.

"Is that really true?" I looked from the paper to the doctor and to Niki, I didn't expect that to be the answer.

"Yeah, that's what it says ..." Niki murmured, a little amazed "there's no denying it ..."

"There's no doubt that you are pregnant, congratulations" said the doctor, with the courage I lacked to say that word that defined my current state.

"Thank you, thank you very much" I regained consciousness, managed to get up and thank, leaving.

"This is good, don't worry, this is very good" Niki repeated to me, as we returned home. 

"Are you not a little scared?" I was sincere "that was not in our plans, in your plans ... not that I'm complaining, I wanted to be a mother someday, it's that things happened faster than I expected."

"Yes, I agree with you, it was unexpected" Niki stated "but if there's one thing I learned from life it's that it is unpredictable, some things are beyond our control and I'm glad that a good thing happened to us."

"Are we prepared for this? It's a big responsibility" I spoke with all the letters about what I feared.

"We will make it work, I'm sure of it" Niki took my hand, being practical as always, assured me that we would be fine.

By trusting Niki, I also came to believe that, I would do my best for our family, for my child.


	31. Preparation

Niki might not admit it directly to me, but I knew that deep down, he was concerned about the idea of having a baby. I, after a while to get used to the idea, was genuinely happy, trying to prepare myself in the best possible way to take care of the baby and be the best mother I could be. My husband, on the other hand, had some doubts about his part. Niki didn't tell me exactly what it was, but I hoped that at some point, he could tell me, feel comfortable enough for that.

"How are you today?" he asked me after a day of work, organizing the company and inspecting the planes.

"Well better, the nausea has passed and, well, I'm calmer about all that happened so fast" I managed to smile, really feeling better "but Niki ..."

"Yes?" He turned to me, curious, trying to deduce what was going on in my mind at the moment.

"I wanted to say something to you, I just don't want to pressure you" I was sincere, talking about what I was thinking about him recently.

"Oh I understand" he lowered his head, a little thoughtful, reluctant to answer me "do you think I'm a little scared by the idea of the baby? No, I'm not, I love our child and I will do my best for him."

"I know you will, of course you will" I held his hands "but is there nothing else that is worrying you? That's what I wanted to talk to you about, only if you want to."

"Well, I really didn't want to talk about it, but since I brought it up, I can't run away anymore, can I?" He countered, a little irritated.

"Niki, I didn't mean to upset you" I felt sorry.

"Neither did I want to upset you with my thoughts, even more now, in your condition" he saw that I was sad and tried to redeem himself.

"Look, you were never able to hide what you think of me, so even though I am pregnant, I promise I can take it, whatever it is" I sounded more determined this time, whatever it was, I wouldn't let him escape without saying what I was happening.

"It's true, I know" he sighed and surrendered, sitting next to me "I was very happy with the news, it's truly wonderful for us, but then I thought about my family, my experience with my parents and everything more..."

"Oh I understand ..." I understood immediately "you are afraid to be as strict as your parents were with you."

Niki just nodded, confirming my suspicions.

"No, it won't happen, not with me around, I will never let you be too rigid, or too condescending" I said "I understand the feeling, I understand, but Niki, you cannot reproduce an attitude that marked you so much in a very bad way, you will remember what happened, put yourself in our child's shoes and it will be much more tolerable."

"How can you be so sure of that?" Niki still had his doubts.

"Because I know you, I know how you are and that's how you will act, I believe that" I said without hesitation and everything I said seemed to calm my husband.

"Thanks" he thanked, kissing my cheek.

"You're welcome, that's what I'm here for" I said heartily.

After that initial worry ruled out, my pregnancy went on smoothly. We had no more bad surprises, or ghosts from the past haunting us. All we could see from there was the bright future that lay ahead, for us and the small member of our family.

Niki worked harder, all for the baby and I, I tried to be calm, keep in mind that everything would work out, that, by a natural instinct, I would know what to do in every moment and situation as a mother, for my love for our baby.

So, the time has come to meet him. I thanked God that Niki was close to me when my water broke, as I wouldn't be able to drive alone. He was careful, but quick at the wheel, and when he could get desperate, he was calm, focused, focused on doing what was best. This posture calmed me down too.

Niki didn't leave my side, demanding to be present, giving the support I needed, ensuring that everything would work out, and really, after a while, everything worked out. We heard our boy's cry, I felt exhausted, but relieved. Now another stage would come to our life.

"He's here, Marlene, he is!" Niki said enthusiastically beside me.

We waited a while until we could see our son again. He really was a beautiful boy, he seemed to have taken almost nothing from me, but I wasn't angry. In addition to his physical appearance, I hoped he would inherit his father's determination.

"Do you have a name in mind?" I asked, after thinking about some names before and not reaching any that we both liked.

"How about Lukas?" Niki suggested "I like the name."

"Lukas Lauda sounds great" I agreed, looking at the two, and for a brief moment, remembering Luca, how close Niki was to him "is it after Luca?"

"Uh, maybe, I didn't expect you to like the idea, so I never suggested" my husband explained.

"Well, it's perfect for me" I looked at my baby, whom we now called Lukas "welcome to the world, little Lukas."

He looked back at us, he didn't know what was going on in my son's head, but I hoped he already knew how much we loved him.


	32. A new life

It was surprising, new, completely new, it was that word that best defined our present situation, but still, it was fantastic, having someone else in our house, not only someone, but our own son.

Lukas was the reason for my life now, mine and his father's, we dedicated ourselves to each of his needs, his gestures and even his whims. For Niki, it was easier to identify when our baby's crying was just a simple morning.

"It's not possible" I used to repeat "it's not possible that just by crying you know what he wants."

"It's a matter of logic, my love" explained my husband "look, if he is fed, with regular sleep and with his favorite toy in hand, just imagine that he has no reason to behave like that, except draw attention."

"But he's just a baby, how can he manage to manipulate us like that?" I insisted and questioned.

"You were a child too once, knew how to manipulate your parents when you wanted to, for knowing them well" Niki explained "Lukas knows exactly who we are, so he will try everything to convince us."

"You know you're right about that, it makes sense what you said," I sighed, realizing that that theory was logical "but I wasn't that manipulative with my parents."

"Okay, I know you wasn't" my husband agreed with my story.

"I just want to see if Lukas will continue to be a bit manipulative when he grows up a little more" I suggested.

"I hope not, for the time being I can contain his tricks, but then ... there's a mystery that it's better to leave for the future, isn't it my son?" he looked at our baby, who answered him with a graceful giggle, really, it seemed that he was understanding everything.

As time passed, Lukas lost some of this characteristic of getting what he wanted from us with jokes and everything, he saw that many times, with his own effort, he would get what he wanted. Like when he wanted yogurt and just asked his dad if he could share the treat he was already eating. I confess that I saw Niki a little jealous, but he ended up giving in anyway.

Since childhood, Lukas accompanied his father at the company's headquarters, watching the planes and even the tests, which fascinated our little one, being able to watch those huge machines reach the sky in a fantastic way, in a way that seemed very easy.

"It's like balloons" my boy once commented to me about airplanes.

"Ah, because they fly to the sky?" I asked.

"Uh huh, only they are much bigger and noisy" Lukas pointed out.

"It's much more complicated for a plane to fly than a balloon to fly" said his father patiently.

"Why?" we wanted to know our boy and Niki smiled, showing that he was super happy with Lukas' curiosity.

I was also happy to see that my son was growing up so smart, but soon after, I was a little afraid, I knew what had gone through my husband's mind, and I didn't think it was safe enough or the right time for the idea that he had in mind.

"Well, a balloon is very light and it has air inside it, and when it floats upwards, the air propels it to go higher and higher, and it's just it that flies, it doesn't need to carry anything and nobody else" Niki said clearly.

"And the plane is not like that" commented Lukas "it's much bigger and made of metal."

"Various types of metals, not to mention leather armchairs, right?" His father pointed out.

"And the glass windows and the cloth curtains" Lukas tried to remember more things on a plane that were not metal.

"You are forgetting something very important" I urged my son to think a little more.

"Important? Like what? The engine?" he asked, thoughtfully.

"It's not totally wrong, son, without the engine the plane won't fly, without the turbines it would also be impossibl" Niki observe "but I think your mother referred to something else."

"Ah yes, another thing ..." Lukas put a hand on his chin, struggling to think again, like a cute little philosopher.

"Let me help you a little" I decided and my son paid more attention to me "what do you think airplanes are for?"

"Oh mom, I thought you were going to help me, but now you're asking more questions, I don't think that's helping" complained my son, quite rightly.

I even saw his father try hard to hide his laughter, but Niki ended up laughing anyway. Lukas just looked at him strangely.

"Okay, I say the answer, airplanes get people from one place to another more quickly, don't they?" I explained, Lukas nodded "and people inside a plane make it heavier, and heavy things are difficult to fly."

"Yes, but they fly inside the plane" my son started to understand.

"And the plane doesn't fall because it's heavy, because of the engine and the turbines, it's the propellers under the wings and the engines that support something so heavy in the air" Niki completed the explanation, and we saw Lukas understand everything, demonstrating his perception in his face.

"I got it, this all seems to be so complicated, but very cool" commented our boy at last.

It seemed that all that complicated conversation tired his child's mind and he ended up distracting himself with a type of airplane that he could better understand, made of paper, by himself. When we got home, the three of us got together in a competition to see who threw the planes further away. For Lukas, the game was the sufficient answer to his inquiries.


	33. Waiting and difficult talks

I struggled to keep my balance while Lukas pulled me by the hand. Even a little more grown up, he remained enthusiastic about everything that animated him around him, even forgetting a little about my present conditions.

1 year ago Niki and I discussed a subject that had come up in a natural and mysterious way, whether it would be prudent or viable for us to have another baby. We reflected on Lukas feeling a little lonely in a house with only adults where he didn't have many friends, but we also thought about all the logistics and psychological preparation to have another baby. As parents, we believed we were mature enough, financially we were doing very well, so what we had left was the concern about how Lukas would handle the news. To our relief, when we told him about our plans, our son was happy with the possibility of having a little brother.

So when I got pregnant again, the three of us were happy with the news. And now that I was 6 months pregnant, I needed more care, even with the excitement of my oldest son, who really wanted to show me something.

"Okay, Lukas, just go a little slower, okay? Remember that Mommy can't run like that" I reminded him as he led me.

"Of course, because of my little brother, I'm sorry, but I really want to show you this" he explained.

Then, after that little run, we finally got to the place he wanted to show me so badly. Apparently, he had worked all afternoon on building a small race track for his carts, which left me very moved.

"You have an autorama, why did you want to come and play outside?" I asked, curious.

"Ah it's not much fun when the carts move by themselves, just because you push a few buttons" Lukas told me "here I think it's cooler and more exciting because it's me pushing the carts."

"Do you really think so?"I smiled when learning his thoughts "this is very interesting."

"Interesting why, Mom?" he was intrigued.

"Because most boys prefer the car to play outside the house, like you" I explained.

"Ah I think it's better this way, but not everyone thinks like me" he answered me.

I watched Lukas playing with his carts and his races, wondering how he would feel when he learned that his father was a Formula 1 driver. We hadn't talked about it yet, he was too small to understand, especially because of Niki's scars, directly related to racing.

____________________________________________________________________________

Time gradually passed by for Marlene and me, while we waited for our second baby. Having Lukas with us was already wonderful, but having another child gave me an incredible feeling, which I couldn't explain. I had found peace, tranquility and harmony in the life I lived with my family. However, while my wife was in labor, we waited for more news, Lukas and I, since my eldest son accompanied me on our long wait, I couldn't leave him alone.

Sitting in the waiting room, I tried to distract Lukas as much as possible, so that he would not be anxious and apprehensive, as I clearly was. Even though I didn't say anything at first, I noticed him watching, watching the people who were with us in that same environment. I felt his curious looks at me, and it certainly wasn't because I was a famous racing driver, it was certainly because of the scars on my face.

"Dad, can I tell you something?" Lukas asked, very low and discreet.

"Of course, what is it?" I had an idea of what that was about.

"People are watching you all the time, I don't understand why" confessed the boy.

"Well, you know I have ... my face is different, it catches people's attention" I tried to explain.

"But you always had a face like that, I know Dad, I remember when I was younger, your face was always like this" Lukas insisted.

"Well, I didn't expect to have to tell you this just now, but I think it's better to tell the truth" I was sincere, which puzzled my son "I didn't always have a face like that."

"Seriously?" seemed an inconceivable idea for Lukas.

"Yes, have you seen the photos from when I met your mother? My face didn't look like that" I reminded him.

"So what happened?" I saw Lukas's concern.

"I used to be a Formula 1 driver a while ago, and once, in a race, I had an accident" when I mentioned the last word of my sentence, I saw the dread in my son's eyes.

"You got hurt badly?" Lukas managed to ask.

"Yes, my face was burned, and I had to have surgery" I continued the story.

"And that is why your face was like this" my son understood "that must have been so horrible ..."

"Yes, but I am very well now, thanks to you and your mother, and your little brother who is about to be born" I said with all of certainty.

"Well, you know, Daddy? I never thought your face was strange,” said Lukas, heartily.

"I know and I thank you so much for that" I smiled at him.

He ended up giving me a hug, which ended up being the perfect comfort of the moment. I didn't think I would have that conversation so soon and even more in the place where we were, but even so, Lukas's sensitivity left me surprised and grateful.


	34. Family

After my second child was born, I felt incredible calm and peace. The delivery for me had been less painful, everything seemed to have settled down as it should. Now, I hoped to see my youngest son again. His name was Mathias, another name we chose in advance.

The nurses brought my baby back faster than I expected, and there, it was just me and him, admiring each other. It was amazing how he looked even more like Niki than Lukas, it was as if these boys inherited the least amount of genetics from me, but I didn't care, the important thing is that my boys were well and healthy, and I loved them very much.

They let me rest for a while, recovering my strength, while Mathias, miraculously collaborated with me, being very quiet, unlike a newborn baby who was much more agitated. Only then, when the baby and I were more willing, did they let Niki enter, exactly in the company of Lukas, which surprised me.

"Hello to you two!" I said surprised, but happy.

"Hi, how are you? How are you two?" Niki noticed Mathias in my arms.

"Well, I'm feeling fine" I replied "and you, Lukas, why did you come with Dad?"

"Oh he wanted to bring me and I came - my eldest son was sincere" and I liked to come, mom, is this my little brother?"

"Yes, it is, say hi to Mathias" I let Lukas get closer.

"Hi, little brother" said my eldest son to the baby.

Mathias, in turn, just looked back at him. With great care, Lukas patted his arm. When I quickly distracted my eyes from this cute moment, I looked at my husband, noticing that he was slightly moved.

"Are you all right, my love?" I asked him.

"Yes, just sudden memories" he explained to me, without further details.

I didn't need more to understand that he had remembered Florian, probably what they were like in childhood, or who knows, the rest of the family. Maybe now that our own family was growing up, Niki could get back in touch with his parents, but I wasn't sure if he would be completely willing to do that. That decision was up to him, and not to me, and I wasn't going to put pressure on him either. Now we needed to focus on our children."

We returned home, and I accompanied Lukas everywhere, since he wanted to show the house to his little brother."

"Okay, Lukas, I think that was enough" I warned between laughter "your brother needs to rest, and me too, to be honest."

"Okay, mom, you can rest" he said like a real and responsible little man, which made me proud.

The following days were marked by adaptation, from the three of us to Mathias. Having a baby in the family wasn't completely new, but it changed the routine of the house a lot, mainly due to the attention that Mathias at his very young age required. Even so, soon we were all used to doing our best according to his every need.

Along with his older brother, he learned to walk and talk, with Lukas as an example, which didn't go unnoticed by us, it was common for a younger brother to look up to the older brother, and my children were no exception.

With the boys a little older and things stable at home, Niki started to wonder if he would ever go back to the races.

"Do you think it would be a good idea?" he asked my opinion.

"One thing is undeniable, running is the vocation of your life, I would be surprised if you never wanted to return" I was sincere in the answer.

"The question is ... am I ready to face it all again?" I saw genuine doubt in my husband.

"If you feel ready, it's because you are, even with doubts, you have always been a formidable pilot" I praised with all my heart "if you return, I know that you will do very well."

I saw Niki reflect on my words, but for now, he has not decided to do anything about it. And that's how we stayed, Niki spent a long time without dedicating himself to racing, but instead, he invested all his time and dedication to me and the boys, being an excellent father and husband.

Thus, we were left to enjoy each other's company, with the boys always leading us to participate in their sudden adventures. Mathias always had the idea of walking through our property, always with his brother and him racing with each other. I could see that they had someone to get their competitiveness from. At the end of the day, the two asked for rest in my lap, took turns sitting on the couch, and the boys resting their heads on my lap one at a time. It was very typical for Mathias to fall asleep there, while Lukas, feeling sleepy, wished us good night and went up to his room.

It was on a night like this, when the boys slept so close to us, seeking the warmth that only their parents could give that Niki and I thought the same thing.

"This is just perfect" murmured my husband, smiling when he saw what made up our environment.

"I agree" I smiled and kissed, confirming that we thought the same thing.

Accepting to give Niki a ride so long ago brought me the inexplicable happiness that I now felt, composed of the love we had for each other and for our children. It was certainly perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is the end of the story, I hope you enjoyed it, I really loved writing it. See you next time!


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